Herr Germany
by LovePeaceandMusic
Summary: Ludwig is the police chief in a small German town. He falls in love with Anna, the daughter of a local shop owner, and the two soon become close. But before too long, Ludwig is called away by patriotic duty. Can Ludwig and Anna's relationship survive the stresses of war?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hi everyone! This is a bit of an unconventional Hetalia fic since one of the main characters is a non-country OC, but I would be honored if you gave it a chance! Happy reading!**

* * *

12 noon. Lunch.

Ludwig quickly filed away his papers so that his desk in the Amorlen police station would be neat when he left to take his lunch. He briskly walked to his home on the edge of the small town, where he ate hurriedly, so that he would have a few minutes left over to stop at the general store on his way back and still be back at 1 o'clock sharp.

* * *

At 12:45 PM, Anna was sweeping the aisles in her family's shop. She loved to work in the shop, where the sights and smells of foods and cloth and wooden shelves were familiar to her since her childhood. And she got to talk to almost everyone in her neighborhood this way. The bell attached to the doorpost tinkled, signaling that someone had entered the store. Anna made her way through the aisle to the front counter where a tall, broad-shouldered man stood rigidly facing the counter, his back to Anna, though she nonetheless recognized him as Amorlen's police chief Ludwig, the youngest the town has ever had according to her father. She liked to call him Herr Germany. It seemed to embarrass him.

"Ah, Guten Tag, Herr Germany!" Anna greeted him cheerfully as she rounded the counter. "What can I help you with today?"

"One pound of sugar." He remained ramrod straight, looking over her head. He glanced down into her face. "Please."

Anna promptly turned her back and began measuring out a bag of sugar from the big brown sack against the wall.

Ludwig cleared his throat. "The church is having a spring festival this weekend," he stated stiffly.

"Oh, yes! Myriam and I are planning on going together! It should be great fun."

"-Oh! Oh, yes, well… Yes. Great fun."

"Are you going, Herr Germany?"

"…Maybe. I don't know. …I'll probably be very busy with work."

Anna was finished with the sugar and turned again to the counter, setting the open bag down to fold the top down to seal it. "You know, I doubt you have to work as much as you do. This is a small town, little goes on."

Ludwig didn't answer, instead staring off above Anna's head. It may have been Anna's imagination, but she could have sworn that his face seemed a little flushed.

"Are you feeling alright?"

"Are you finished with the sugar yet?" Ludwig snapped, still not looking at her. "I need to get back to work."

"Yes, yes, fine. Here you go." She pushed the sealed bag towards him.

He dropped a handful of coins on the counter, too much. "Er, keep the change," he muttered as he swiped the bag from the counter and rapidly walked out.

Anna stared at the door for a moment after it closed behind him. She jumped to hear her grandmother speak from the doorway into the storeroom where she and Anna's father had been taking inventory.

"I think that Ludwig is a little smitten with you."

Her father appeared suddenly behind the old woman. "What?"

Anna threw back her head and laughed. "Ha! I know. I'm just waiting for him to say something. It's that obvious to you, too, is it, Oma?"

Her Oma chuckled as she came farther into the store. "If you're waiting on him, you might die of old age first. I doubt he'll recover any time soon from you not going to the Easter festival with him."

Her father grunted. "I should have known he wanted to ask you something like that. He came in twice yesterday."

"Twice? Yesterday?" Anna and her grandmother held back gales of laughter to hear the story.

"Oh, yes. Once during lunch, lingering around for ten minutes before finally buying one apfel and again right before closing to buy a bag of onions and, uh, 'casually' ask if you still worked in the store."

Anna hooted with laughter. "You should have told him I moved away to live with relatives! I would have loved to see _that _reaction!"

Her Oma adopted a face of mock seriousness. "Anna! Poor Ludwig would have dropped dead right here in the shop from a heart attack!"

They all laughed at poor, uptight Ludwig, though Anna mentally made a note to visit him later.

* * *

Ludwig briskly strode away from the general store, his heart hammering and his stomach feeling uneasy. _You dummkopf! You completely lost control in there, showing such surprise that she was going with Myriam! Of course she was! What has she done every other year? Why did you expect any different? And now what are you going to do with this bag of sugar for the rest of the day at work?_

He sighed. He wished he could go into that store just once without making a complete ass of himself.

* * *

Anna stepped into the police station. It was about five o'clock, and she figured that she could catch Ludwig before he left. She saw him bent over, writing at his desk a few feet in front of her. For generations, the police chief's desk had always been placed prominently in the station so that the he could be easily accessible by both citizens walking in and police farther back at their own desks. Anna figured Ludwig liked that. More work is good for him, yes?

She took a few more steps until she was standing right in front of the desk. Fighting back a mischievous smile, she meekly spoke. "Ludwig?"

His head snapped up at the sound, and his eyes widened as he recognized her. He leapt to his feet. "Anna? What are you doing here? Are you alright?"

She looked pleadingly up into his eyes. "I witnessed a crime. I need your help."

Eyebrows drawn together in worry, he urgently searched her face. "Tell me what happened," he barked.

"It seems that my family's shop has taken some money from Herr Germany. You see, he only ordered one bag of sugar, but he paid enough for the sugar and one apfel." Her face broke into a huge grin as she laid a bright red apfel on his desk. The two officers in the back sniggered with each other.

Ludwig sat back down, already picking up his pen. He bowed his head, back to work. "Not funny. Crime is a serious matter."

"Oh, I know," she said winningly. "That's why I was hoping Herr Germany could walk home with me. Surely he's soon to get off work?"

Ludwig froze, still looking down at his paperwork. His eyes quickly met hers before looking to the clock. 5:04.

"Go with her, Chief!" One of the officers, leaning against his buddy's desk, called.

The other, sitting, nodded. "We can handle it from here. Go have yourself a nice stroll with the lady."

"I suppose… since my officers assure me it would be fine… I can escort you back to the general store." He knew that her family lived in the two stories above the store.

"Lovely! I am much in your debt."

* * *

Ludwig self-consciously cleaned his desk just as he had done before lunch, though this time he felt the eyes of the two officers behind him and of Anna in front of him. His hands were shaky—that damn girl, sending him into a fright like that. He had been afraid that something horrible had happened, what with the way she looked at him.

Oddly, he also felt pleased.

Ludwig's heart drummed uncomfortably against his ribs throughout the whole of the five minute walk. He didn't know what to say, so he didn't speak the whole time, trying to ease the pounding in his chest by focusing on putting one leg in front of the other.

They reached Anna's residence after what felt like ages. Ludwig came to a halt in the middle of the narrow street in front of the entrance. He nodded towards the door. "Safe und sound."

"Danke, Herr Germany. Truly, you are my hero." She smiled at him before turning away and bouncing to the door, her long brown braid thumping against her back. She opened the door, and with one last smile tossed his way, she vanished into the house, door closing behind her.

Ludwig let out a breath, glad the ordeal was over. He hoped she would stop by again tomorrow.


	2. Chapter 2

Anna and Ludwig's evening walk became a daily occurrence. The five minutes of quality time soon stretched into ten as Anna and Ludwig fell into a slower pace of walking, and before long, ten minutes lapsed into fifteen as the two stopped in front of Anna's home to finish their conversations before they parted ways. Ludwig started to regularly visit Anna during his lunch hour, and a few times, they had even eaten together, Anna bringing down food into the storeroom for them to eat. Anna loved to start the talking during their times together. She wanted to know all about him: his past, his job, and during one June evening walk, she asked about what he did when he was not working.

"Hm," Ludwig considered the question, the brim of his police hat hiding his face in shadow. "I often exercise. I have to be fit for my line of work."

"Oh do you now?" Anna sounded bemused.

Ludwig glanced at her sharply. "What, do you not believe me?"

Anna raised her eyebrows. "Oh, I just wonder how strong must one really be to frighten schoolboys into behaving and settling quarrels between Herr Fritz and Frau Wildebrandt?"

"You have a narrow understanding of my work," he accused, the faintest tinge of irritation in his voice.

"I'm using examples you have given me," she defended innocently.

"Well, here's another example for you: I've had to break up fights when things get physical at the bar. Believe me, some of those drunks are no lightweights. And you know Schmidt?"

"That man is huge."

"I once had to drag that mountain of a man off some bastard who had crossed him."

"Hm, really?" Anna pursed her lips, fascinated by the idea of Ludwig wrestling with massive, fiery Schmidt. It was hard to imagine him being so rough when with her he was always so reserved and –

Anna shrieked in surprise as Ludwig suddenly lunged at her and swept her off her feet into his arms.

"LUDWIG!" She shouted his name as if it were two words. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

"Still don't believe I'm strong enough?" His voice was a playful growl.

"Ludwig!" She started laughing. "You dummkopf! You scared me!"

He looked down at her. "You don't need to grip me so tightly. I'm not going to drop you."

Anna suddenly realized that she was clenching fistfuls of his uniform jacket as if her life depended on it. She loosened her grasp. "Of course. I know that. Now, when exactly are you planning to put me down?"

"When you admit that you were wrong to doubt me," he stated archly.

"Fine!" Anna threw her head back, pretending to be exasperated. "I don't know how I could ever doubt you, Herr Germany."

"I suppose I could let you down."

Anna pulled her head back up and rested her cheek against his chest.

"You clearly are the strongest man to ever grace German soil," she purred.

"That's more like it."

He gently set her back on her feet. She flounced away.

"To think I was just considering how polite you usually are!" She tossed the words over her shoulder.

Even as she pretended to be offended, she couldn't stop smiling. _Ludwig is never so playful. I wonder what's gotten into him._

When they stopped to say goodbye before Anna went inside, there was a moment of hesitation.

"Anna… I want to ask you something," Ludwig stammered, rubbing the back of his neck.

Her mouth quirked into a smile. _He _is_ in a strange mood today. _"Yes, what is it?"

"Would you…," He sighed. "Would you be my girlfriend?"

"Yes." She could feel herself grinning from ear to ear. "I would love to."

She stretched up on the tips of her toes to press her lips against his. Ludwig recoiled a millimeter in surprise, but then he kissed her back.

_His lips are so soft… And I think he's forgotten how to breathe._

She broke it off after about two seconds, suddenly conscious of the fact that her family could be watching through the windows.

She laughed when she saw Ludwig, face pink and bright blue eyes wide.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Ludwig. Have a good night."

He blinked. "Uh yeah, you too."

With another soft laugh, she turned away and stepped to her door. She quickly entered and was not unsurprised when she met her grandmother at the door, beaming.

"You were watching, weren't you, Oma?"

"Oh, you know me, sweet pea. Ever the romantic."

"I'm his girlfriend now," Anna knew she was blushing furiously. "He just asked."

Her grandmother giggled. "I think you ought to run across the street and tell Myriam."

Anna peered through the window in the door to make sure that Ludwig had left before she scampered across the street to her best friend's house.

* * *

Ludwig stood in place for a moment after Anna left, heart throbbing in his ears. He felt indescribably light and happier than he could remember.

He turned away and started walking home. He would skip the bar today; he already felt a little drunk. His legs were shaky, and he had no control over the silly smile plastered on his face.

Ludwig suddenly realized how beautiful the town of Amorlen was. He admired the little buildings that lined the cobblestone street. He passed Frau Hindl's bakery, with its dark beams standing in contrast to the bright white paint, and thought, _I should bake for Anna some time. Or she could come over and help. _He felt strange thinking of activities to do with another person. It had been a long time since he did anything with anyone other than his dogs.

He enthusiastically greeted everyone he encountered which earned him several questioning looks and the distinct impression that he was making people uneasy for some reason. _I don't understand people. I'm being friendly. Isn't that what people like? Ah well, it doesn't matter! Anna likes me even if I'm not very good at talking to her._

Ludwig thought back to all of his failed attempts to be normal around her.

_Once, during this past winter, he had lingered nervously at the counter after paying for his flour, feeling overheated in his long tan overcoat._

_ "Is everything alright?" Anna had asked, one hand on her hip._

_ "What? Yes! Fine." He turned to leave._

_"Okay…" She stretched the last syllable, sounding unconvinced. "Well, see you around, Herr Germany."_

_He stopped in his tracks and looked over his shoulder. "What? What did you call me?"_

_She grinned cheekily. "Oh, just a little nickname I thought of for you. You seem like the epitome of our country somehow."_

She thought of a nickname… For me? _He glowed with pleasure internally, though externally he looked completely passive. "Oh. I see. Well…" He nodded curtly. "Goodbye."_

Ludwig shook his head, pained. _At least I've gotten a little better. Today was good._

He reached his house, a stone building at the edge of town with a spacious yard. His brother, Gilbert, had once lived here, but he had been away for some time, only visiting occasionally. Now it was just Ludwig, along with his three dogs who rushed to the door as he entered.

"Hello, guys," he dropped to his knees to pet them as they crowded around him, licking his face and sniffing his clothes. "I've got good news! Anna is my girlfriend now. Stop it Aster; that tickles. Anyway, that means we're going to be spending more time together."

He stood up. "It won't be as lonely around here, won't that be nice?"

His golden brown dog sat on the floor and whined.

"I know I'm not technically alone now, Berlitz, but not having any friends your own species is pretty lonely, okay?"

His little dachshund barked in agreement. "See, Blackie understands. Yeah, she's going to come over and eat dinner with me and we can bake cakes together. It'll be great."

He pictured Anna sitting at the table with him, the light gleaming on her neat auburn braid. She would be chatting animatedly about something or the other, and he would listen and try to say the right things at the right times.

Later in bed, he fell asleep thinking about how it felt to kiss her today and how it would feel to have her snuggled close to him at night.

* * *

Anna stood in front of Myriam's house, a neat little townhouse similar to Anna's though all three floors were living spaces. She knocked her knuckles against the door, three times in quick succession. She could still feel herself grinning, though she tried to look more composed when Myriam's father, a small mousy haired man with thick glasses, answered.

"Guten tag, Herr Schlein. May I speak to Myriam? I have a bit of news to tell her."

"Oh, yes, Anna. Come in. Make yourself at home."

Anna stepped into the living room, taking in the familiar sights of bookcases and the two gray couches with colorful heirloom quilts thrown over them and decorative lights from one of Herr Schlein's business trips to Berlin near them. Sitting down on the nearest seat, she realized that had known this house almost all her life, but it seemed different today, brighter, like the very patches on the blankets and tassels of the lamps were celebrating with her. Her reverie was interrupted by Myriam's grandfather who was sitting on the far end of the other couch, nearest to the kitchen.

"Exciting gossip today, Anna?" His soft brown eyes twinkled above spectacles placed low on his nose. His tone was teasing, but Anna knew that he was just as curious as her own grandmother into the goings-on of the lives of the "young people." _"Our way of staying young," Oma says._

Anna was happy to oblige. "Well, I may have a little story about my friend Ludwig."

Rosie, Myriam's little sister who had been busily braiding a doll's hair in the middle of the floor, jumped up and rushed to Anna. Leaning on Anna's knees, she asked breathlessly, "Did you kiss him?"

Just then, Anna saw Myriam appear on the stairs up to the second floor. "What? My father tells me you have news, and then I hear something about kissing? What have you been up to, Anna?"

Her grandfather piped up in answer. "She may have a little story about her friend Ludwig, it seems."

Myriam plopped down next to Anna, her mop of red curls bouncing. "Oh my gosh, he made it official, didn't he?"

There was no stopping her smile now. Feeling exhilarated, she said, "Yes, he did. He asked me just a few minutes ago, right outside my house. And-" She directed this to Rosie, "yes. I did kiss him."

Rosie nodded, satisfied. "That's what you're supposed to do."

Myriam shook her head. "Words of wisdom from a seven-year-old. But it's seriously about time he did. He's been into you _forever_."

Anna relished the thought, but she waved dismissively. "Oh, I don't know about that. A few months, definitely."

"Anna. That time when we were thirteen. He was fourteen. His dog knocked you over, you remember?"

Anna laughed. "Oh my gosh, I would have never thought of that in a million years if you hadn't mentioned it. I don't think that meant anything."

Myriam's grandfather was intrigued. "What is this about dogs and being fourteen?"

Anna was transported back in time as Myriam narrated the story to her grandfather.

_She and Myriam were wandering around on the edge of town, practically in the woods, when a German shepherd barreled into Anna from behind. Myriam screamed in surprise, and Anna fell into the grass, the wind knocked from her. The dog stood on top of her, snorting into her hair which was much shorter then._

_ "ASTER! NO! GET OFF OF HER THIS INSTANT!" a furious voice sounded, followed by a pair of footsteps thumping on the ground._

_ The weight of the dog disappeared and a different voice spoke. "West, I told you letting her off the leash was a bad idea. She attacked a young girl! You're going to get in huge trouble for this!"_

_ She wasn't sure if the voice was scolding or gloating, but she suddenly heard the original voice urgently asking, "Are you hurt? Do you need help?"_

_ She slowly hauled herself to her feet, the after effects of the shock making her feel shaky. She recognized Ludwig, lanky and lean, hovering anxiously next to her. He started to roughly brush his hands over her hair and clothes. "You've got dirt and grass all over you. I'm so sorry."_

_ She spotted his brother a meter away holding an excited Aster on a reattached leash. He looked smug, chin tilted up to keep silvery bangs out of his eyes. "West. You're making a fool of yourself. Get your hands off her."_

_ Ludwig's hands fell awkwardly to his sides. He stared at his feet. "I'm sorry. But she really wasn't attacking you. She just wanted to play." He shot a dirty look at his brother._

_ Anna was speechless. Myriam spoke for her as she steered her away from the brothers. "Yes, yes, apology accepted. We must be going." _

Myriam was almost on the verge of tears she was laughing so much. "Ludwig was so young that his voice kept cracking! Oh man, is that story even funnier now."

_It's strange to think back to him being so gawky. _"I'm glad he grew out of that."

Myriam's grandfather chuckled, evidently pleased by the whole conversation. "Well, young lady, congratulations. Ludwig seems like a respectable young man."

Anna went home with an immense feeling of contentment settling over her.

* * *

**A/N: A lot of OC action in this chapter. But never to fear, Ludwig is in the entirety of the next chapter!**


	3. Chapter 3

Rain starting drumming against the windows in Ludwig's kitchen as he carefully spread chocolate icing over a circle of golden cake.

_I hope Anna has an umbrella._

The cake neatly frosted, Ludwig peered out the window looking out to his backyard. Aster and Berlitz were running excitedly through puddles while the tops of the trees tossed fitfully. Ludwig glanced down at Blackie sitting by his feet.

"You don't like this weather, do you?" He picked up the little dog who licked Ludwig's chin.

Suddenly Aster and Berlitz froze, looking towards the house. Blackie's ears pricked up as he looked to the front of the house. All at once all three dogs started barking; Blackie wriggled out of Ludwig's grasp, and Aster and Berlitz charged in through the dog door, rushing to the living room.

Ludwig was already striding to the door when he heard knocking through the chorus of barking. "Aster, Berlitz, you two are soaked. You better not jump up on Anna," he railed as he opened the door.

Anna stood dripping on his doorstep, strands of loose hair blowing about in the wind. "I was not expecting rain," she stated flatly, stepping into his house.

Almost immediately Aster lunged, tail wagging wildly, knocking Anna against the door Ludwig had just closed, covering her in wet dog hair and muddy prints.

"ASTER! NO! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?" Mortified, Ludwig hauled the rambunctious beast off of his bedraggled girlfriend. "Anna, I'm so sorry. They get excited when people come in, but they'll calm down, I promise."

Anna laughed weakly. "Aster, we really have to stop meeting like this."

His stomach flipped. "You remember that?"

She raised her eyebrows. "Myriam reminded me recently. In vivid detail."

_Wonderful. How embarrassing._

"Erm, well, let me take Aster to the backyard. She and Berlitz were playing out there earlier."

"I could tell."

_Right._

When he came back into the living room, Anna was sitting barefoot on the floor, petting Blackie. Her sodden hair was almost black, and her waterlogged blouse clung to her frame.

"I'll be right back."

He rushed up to his room and opened his closet, looking through his shirts. _She was wearing brown. I don't have any brown shirts. Does that matter?_

He snatched one up at random, grabbed a spare towel, and hurried back downstairs where Anna was still with Blackie.

"This dog is so cute," she cooed, running two fingers over one of his silky ears.

"That's Blackie. Here," he held out the towel and shirt. "I'll wait in the kitchen while you change."

* * *

Anna took the proffered bundle of cloth as Ludwig disappeared into the next room. She pulled her hair loose from the braid and wrapped it in the towel before unbuttoning her blouse, uncomfortably aware that she was undressing in someone else's house. Trying to focus on something else, she looked around and marveled at the size of the place. The living room itself was the size of one floor of her home, and she could see that there was a doorway into what must be the kitchen and a hallway where she had heard Ludwig go up a flight of steps to get the shirt and towel. The ceiling reached higher above her head than she was used to in her and Myriam's townhouses. The place would seem rather empty if it weren't for the aroma of food cooking. _Funny how a scent makes a place seem homier._

She buttoned the last button on Ludwig's shirt, a pretty light blue colored one. It hung down to her knees in the front and back, and she had to roll the sleeves up just to see her hands. She giggled to herself, imagining how she looked in the massively oversized shirt with a towel piled on top of her head. Nonetheless, the soft dryness felt wonderful, and it all smelled pleasantly of soap. She pulled the towel off and ran her hands over her hair. _Hopefully I look somewhat presentable._

Anna ambled into the kitchen, silently gazing around. Ludwig was at the stove, mashing potatoes while meat sizzled in a pan and two pots simmered. Behind him stood a wooden table surrounded by four chairs. There didn't seem to be a speck of dirt in the room, despite the fact that the two dogs had had to cross through to get outside.

"Your home is very clean."

Ludwig started and spun around. "Anna, I didn't know you were in here."

"I snuck in," she grinned. "What are we having for dinner?"

Ludwig's eyes combed over her carefully. "Hello? Ludwig?"

* * *

_She seems so tiny in those clothes. _His shirt and her ankle-length skirt hung loosely around her, and her hands seemed smaller underneath the rolled-up cuffs of his sleeves. But his eyes were attracted to her hair. _It's not braided anymore… It's always braided. _Loose, it framed her face and cascaded down her shoulders, thick and wavy.

"Hello? Ludwig?"

"-Oh, sorry, I… I've never seen your hair down before." He looked at the floor. "I like it."

Her mouth curled into a smile as she advanced a few steps. Her hands felt warm against his skin as she took his hands in hers. "Danke, Herr Germany. It's nice of you to invite me to your house and make food." She chuckled. "And to let me wear your clothes."

"Uh, yeah, it's no problem." He felt tight and uncomfortable. _Maybe this wasn't a good idea. I barely know how to talk to her already, and it's only been ten minutes. _He pulled his hands away. _Why did I do that? Now she probably thinks I don't want her to touch me. _Frustrated by his ineptitude, he turned his back to her and continued mashing potatoes, a bit more violently this time.

"Are you alright?" She sounded puzzled.

He paused, shoulders sagging. _No. I don't want to be alone, but I don't know how to talk to you._

"I'm just not good at this."

"What, making potatoes? You seem to be doing it just fine."

He whipped around. "No, I mean… just being here with you. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I never know what to say."

She smiled encouragingly. "Come on Ludwig. We've been spending time together for two or three months now, if you include before we were dating. Just relax. You're doing fine."

He stared at her for a moment and sighed. _It's different when you're at my house. Now it's my job to entertain you. _Last week they had gone for a picnic in the woods behind his house, and that had been much easier. She was too fascinated by the trees and birds to notice how horrible he was at spending time with people. "The food is going to be ready soon… Um, you can sit down, if you want."

He hurried to pull a chair out from under the table for her before he turned back again to the stove.

"Once," she started. "When I was making potatoes I put sugar in them instead of salt."

"Why would you do that?"

"It wasn't on purpose, silly! I just wasn't paying attention and in went the sugar."

Ludwig started dishing out the food onto plates. "Did you eat it?"

"Well… I didn't quite realize it until after we started eating. So… my parents and my grandmother ate some before they finally decided to tell me that they didn't like my cooking."

He set a plate in front of her and one at the seat counterclockwise from her. "That's disgusting."

She chortled. "That's the point."

"Well, anyway," he changed the subject clumsily. "Do you want something to drink? I have beer, juice, and wasser."

"Wasser, please."

He got himself a beer and her a glass of water before settling to eat. He quickly sampled a bite of each thing: wurst, potatoes with gravy, green beans. He was relieved to find that everything tasted normal.

"Well, hi there," Anna said looking at her lap.

Ludwig leaned over to see that Berlitz had laid his head on Anna's lap and was gazing up at her soulfully. He sighed. "Berlitz, stop begging for food. You're embarrassing me."

Anna burst into laughter. "Embarrassing you? You talk like they can understand you."

Chewing a bite of meat, he said seriously, "They do."

"Seriously?" She asked, her words slightly muffled by a mouthful of bean. "You think they understand?"

"Well, maybe not every word I say, but there's more to understanding someone than through words."

Anna's teasing look went away from her face. She tilted her head to one side. "That was a beautiful thing to say, Ludwig."

He felt a glow of satisfaction. _I impressed her! Maybe there's hope for me after all. But how do I follow up? _"Yes, well, words are good, too, of course. I mean, I read a lot."

_Dammit. I should have quit while I was ahead._

Anna raised her eyebrows. "Are you trying to impress me?"

"…Uh… yeah, I- I guess I was," he admitted.

"You should see your face! You look so ashamed; it's like you just confessed a crime!" Her shoulders shook with her laughter. Taking a moment to compose herself, she said, "Don't worry, Herr Germany. Your secret's safe with me."

Utterly confused, Ludwig stared at her. "So, you're not mad at me?"

"Oh yes, I am. I am incredibly angry that you like me so much. How dare you want to impress me?"

"You're being sarcastic."

"No, no, being sarcastic is being mean. I'm just joking with you."

A few moments passed in quiet as they concentrated on their food. "You know," Anna spoke. "You don't have to try to impress me, by the way. I like you the way you are."

Ludwig smiled, feeling a pleasant flutter of excitement in his chest at the praise. "The same goes for you."

After dinner and dessert, Ludwig sat in the middle of the couch staring at his hands folded in his lap while Anna was in the bathroom.

_Anna said I should relax. I'm not sure if I know how. _Once again he was facing the dilemma of what to do now that there wasn't something else to focus on.

He looked up to the other side of the room where Aster and Berlitz were snuggled together on the floor, sleeping. Blackie was asleep on the armchair by the sofa. _I need to learn from them._

Anna came in from the hallway and nestled in the corner of the sofa by the armchair, to Ludwig's right.

"The food was delicious, Herr Germany. Especially the cake. I didn't know you baked."

"Yeah, I love to bake." _Is that weird?_

"Well, you're good at it."

He closed his eyes. _Relax. _"We should bake together sometime," he suggested hesitantly.

"Oh, that would be fun!"

He looked at her, smiling. "I'm glad you think so."

Swallowing, he scooted close to Anna and put his arm around her. She leaned her head on his shoulder. The knot of tension between Ludwig's shoulder blades began to dissolve as he listened to the rain outside and Anna's steady breathing next to him. He peered down at her. She was slouching limply against his side, her eyes closed.

"Anna?" he asked softly. "Are you awake?"

_She's asleep. _Warm affection welled up inside him. _I guess it doesn't matter, as long as she's with me._

* * *

Anna gasped awake, panicked. She quickly sat up, disoriented. Her mind was foggy. A hand was on her shoulder.

"Anna, calm down. Everything's alright."

_Ludwig. Right. I'm at his house… I guess I fell asleep on his couch. _She could feel herself blushing. She turned to face him. He looked bewildered.

"Sorry," she mumbled. She rubbed her face, briefly worried that she may have drooled on him or something. "It scared me when I didn't recognize where I was for a second."

Ludwig looked at her solemnly. "I wouldn't let anyone hurt you."

He rubbed her back, sending tingles of pleasure through her.

"How long was I asleep?"

"Twenty seven minutes."

"You're very precise, you know that?"

The corner of his mouth twitched into a half-smile, but he didn't answer. Several moments passed in silence.

"You never told me what you read."

"What?"

"Earlier, at dinner. You said you read a lot. What do you read?"

"Lots of things. Classic novels, mysteries…"

"Romances?"

"What? No!"

_He probably does._

"Do you read?" Ludwig asked, likely trying to steer the topic of conversation away from himself.

"Oh yeah, I read just about everything I can get my hands on."

"What's your favorite book?"

Anna paused, for once thrown for a loop. "I don't know. Do you have one?"

Ludwig thought for a moment, then nodded. "The _Iliad._"

"Eh, that one's kind of boring. It's just a bunch of battle scenes."

"What?" Ludwig sounded playfully indignant. "For one thing, why would that make a book boring? For another, no it's not. It's much more than 'just a bunch of battle scenes.'" He repeated her words with mock contempt.

"Well, maybe if you read it to me, it would be more interesting."

"Fine, I have a copy."

Anna blinked, surprised. "What, now?"

"Do you have a better idea?"

"No," she laughed at the spontaneity of it all. "Let's do it."

Ludwig retrieved the book, an old gray thing with corners blunted with wear. He cracked it open and flipped through the yellowed pages of the introduction and preface until he reached the story itself.

"Argument. The Contention of Achilles and Agamemnon," he started in a clear voice, already with more emotion than Anna had imagined in the opening lines back when she had read it herself. She found the story vastly more interesting in Ludwig's voice.

He read and she listened for an hour, and then he reached the end of Book I. He snapped the book shut. "Okay, enough for one day."

"No, I want to hear what happens next."

"You've read it before."

"So?" She said brightly. "It's different this time."

Ludwig shook his head. "You're going to make me lose my voice."

"Okay, fine. I take pity on you."

Ludwig got up to get water. Anna twirled a lock of her hair nervously between her fingers, waiting. When he came back, she stared at the pale green cushions of the couch, avoiding his face. "Ludwig?"

He looked at her expectantly, sipping at his drink.

She felt like she could throw up. "I-I think I love you, you know that?"

She bit her lip, still unable to look at Ludwig.

Suddenly his lips were against hers. She could feel the cold water still on his mouth. Dizzy with relief, she could hardly react. He pulled back about a centimeter. "I love you, too, Anna." She couldn't tell whether he was hoarse from emotion or reading out loud.

Straightening up, he tipped his head slightly to one side. "Are you alright? You look a little sick."

She let out a heavy sigh, running a hand through her hair. "Yeah, I'm… I'm fine. I'm just not used to… I was so nervous." She covered her face with her hands. "Is this what's it like for you?"

He made a soft noise of amusement. "With you sometimes, yes."

* * *

That night, they stood outside her door, a warm breeze blowing around them. Ludwig watched it play with Anna's hair, braided again.

"Danke schön for visiting me today, Anna."

She hugged him. "Thank you for having me. I had a wonderful time. I expect to hear the rest of the _Iliad _from you, you know."

"You'll just have to come back to hear more, then."

She smiled. "Sounds like a plan."

He watched her go inside, staring at the door after it closed behind her.

_I think I'm going to marry that girl someday._

* * *

The door clicked closed behind her, and she was in the darkness of the store, surrounded by the shadowy outlines of shelves. She leaned against the door and sighed.

_I think I'm going to marry that man someday._


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Guten tag, meine freunde! I know I've been really bad about updating this regularly, but for the next few chapters, my goal is to be much more regular! I have some chapters already written sitting in a backlog, so I think this is an attainable goal. Thank you so very much for staying with this story, and I really appreciate the favorites, follows, and reviews I've gotten so far!**

Anna sat in the armchair in the living room, waiting for Ludwig to come home. She rapidly tapped her heel against the rug and picked at her fingernails, neither doing anything to relieve the jitteriness writhing inside her.

She quickly jumped to her feet when she heard the key scraping in the lock in the front door.

The dogs came rushing ahead of her and met Ludwig as he came in. He seemed tense and only half-heartedly greeted them.

Anna took a deep breath to steady herself, but Ludwig spoke first. "Anna, I've made a decision."

"About what?" Dread made her feel nauseous. _It might not be dread doing that…_

"I'm joining the military."

The dogs scurried away, sensing the stifling tension in the silence that followed.

"The… military? You mean… you're going to war?"

Ludwig nodded. "Our country needs to win the war this time. You know how bad it was after we lost the First World War, and this one is shaping up to be the Second.

"But…" Hurt made her lips heavy and hard to move. "But you can't."

"I already did."

"What?" Her voice rose sharply. She felt tears pricking her eyes. "You didn't even talk to me about it!"

"Don't sound so accusing. I'm doing my patriotic duty. France crushed us with war reparations just a few years ago. We can't afford to let that happen again. Besides, why would I talk to you about it? You're not going." He sounded genuinely puzzled.

"Seriously? You seriously have no clue why a woman would want to discuss her husband abandoning her to go play soldier?" Anna knew she wasn't being constructive, but she couldn't bring herself to care at the moment, not before she vented. "I can't believe you're still so useless with social skills that you can't _fathom _why I might want to have a say in you going off to get shot at hundreds of miles away."

"This isn't a fucking game for me, Anna! I'm giving up _everything. _You think I want to leave my wife, my job, my home? You think I'm _abandoning _you? I'm putting my life on the line to _protect _you. I was expecting your support, but instead you insult me. Besides, if I'm so _useless_, then why _do _you care if I go to war? If I'm so damn useless, I might as well do you a favor while I'm in Russia and die of cold before I come home."

The tears were starting to trickle down her cheeks now. She sank to the floor. "You're not useless. Oh God, please don't die. Of anything. Anywhere. I need you home." She started sobbing.

* * *

Ludwig was paralyzed. _She was just yelling at me. Now she's crying?_

He kneeled next to her.

"Anna?" He kept his voice low.

"You're going to die, Ludwig! Please, please, _please _don't leave."

"We both need to be brave. This hurts for me, too, but it's the right thing to do."

She wept too hard to speak. An emotion close to panic rose up in Ludwig's throat. "Anna, please. Stop crying."

Anna slowly quieted while Ludwig gently stroked her hair. "I'm sorry, Ludwig," she sniffled. "I'm just so tired. I feel like everything upsets me more than it used to. And I just-" Her voice choked, and she rested her head in her hands.

Ludwig bundled her against his chest, touching his chin to the top of her head.

She pushed away, standing up. "I'm going to lie down."

He followed her as she slowly went upstairs to their bedroom. She sat heavily on the bed and flopped onto her back, closing her eyes. Ludwig stood for a moment in the doorway. Her face was flushed from crying.

Ludwig kicked off his shoes and laid next to her. She turned to her side, throwing her arm over him and nestling close.

Finally, Anna broke the silence, wearily saying, "You're leaving when I need you most."

Ludwig sighed. _You're not exactly supportive right now either. _"I'm defending you when you need it most-"

"No, Ludwig. I wasn't done. I have news for you, too… I'm pregnant."

Ludwig sat up. "What?"

Anna looked at him sullenly. "I've suspected for a little while now, but I wanted to wait to tell you until I was certain. But if you'd _mentioned _enlisting, I would have brought it up sooner."

Ludwig felt empty with shock. "What- how- how long has it been?"

"Hm, I'm maybe two months in."

"Two months? You've known for _months_?"

"No, I just told you. I didn't _know_. But I talked it over with my mother and grandmother, and… I'm pregnant, okay?

Icy fear swam in Ludwig's stomach. _I don't know the first thing about children. I couldn't handle Anna crying. What am I going to do about a little one crying all the time? Don't they cry all the time?_

Ludwig sank back down onto his back, dazed.

Anna watched him. "Aren't you excited?"

"I'm worried."

"Don't be. The mortality rate is a lot better than it used to be."

"What? What a morbid thing to say! Why would you say that? Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"

"You said you were worried, so I thought you meant you were worried I would die in childbirth."

A suffocating wave of distress washed over him. _I thought she meant the mortality of the infants, not the mothers! Anna might die. What if she dies, but the baby doesn't? How will I know what to do? What if I die at war and Anna dies, but the child survives? What will happen?_

He felt Anna cuddle close to him. "Ludwig," she murmured. "Are you really going to Russia?"

"Most likely."

"Are you actually afraid of dying from the cold?"

"Napoleon's troops invaded Russia, and a great number of them died of hypothermia."

"That's a yes."

He sighed. "Yes. That's a yes."

Anna paused. "Well, I think we'll both just have pray to God and just do what we can. When do you leave?"

"In three weeks."

Ludwig closed his eyes, feeling very cold already.

* * *

_Dear God, please end the war. I don't want Ludwig to leave, but I can't convince him. I don't want to be alone. I don't want to do this by myself. _

Anna had been lying in bed for hours, awake. _I can't sleep on Ludwig's last night before he leaves. I don't know how he can. Though I guess he's not the one who's going to be stuck here alone._

She could hear her husband's answer in her head: "_Don't be so unreasonable."_

He said that a lot these days. Even though Anna had to admit that, in the last few weeks, she let things get to her more than they used to, she was still convinced that she wasn't being unreasonable.

_You're the one who's going to be trained for what you're about to do_, she argued to the Ludwig in her head. _Who's going to tell me what to do? _

_ "It's not the same," _he would say. _"Your situation is natural. Your body will tell you what to do. War has to be learned."_

_ If nature's going to take care of everything, then why do you worry about me? I know you do._

_ "You're right, my love. I couldn't bear to leave you when you feel so vulnerable. I'll tell the Nazis to stuff it. They can find someone else to fight their stupid war."_

Anna sighed wearily. _Now I just need our actual arguments to go that way._

Despite her fears, Anna already felt warmth spread through her at the thought of the child. Her child. Their child. _The baby might be the only thing I have left of Ludwig._

She sat up, overwhelmed.

"Anna?" Ludwig was awake after all.

_Oh, Ludwig. _Bitter grief consumed her; it was crushing her.

* * *

"Anna? Are you alright?" Ludwig's voice sharpened in concern. _Is she ill? Lately she's been ill._

Anna had been getting violently sick about three or four mornings a week for the last few weeks. Sometimes Ludwig woke up to an empty bed and found Anna curled on the bathroom floor. Her grandmother and mother both called it "morning sickness" and spoke as if it were normal, but it made fear clog Ludwig's throat. _It can't be normal. Why would her body work against itself like that? She needs to be saving up energy, not expending it on such nonsense. It just isn't logical._

Anna still was not answering. Ludwig sat up. "Anna? Do you need help?"

She turned towards him. In the dark it was hard to make out her expression.

"…You're leaving. Really leaving… I just can't…" she trailed off.

Ludwig was relieved she wasn't hurt or sick. "Anna, I'm going to be fine. I'm going to training where I'll learn everything I need. I'm going to be a good soldier, and good soldiers survive war and come back home."

_Now I just need to actually feel that way._

He gently pulled her arm. "Lie down. You need to rest."

She flopped down heavily onto her side. His heart skipped a beat. "Gentle, be gentle with yourself!"

She snorted. "You act as if I'm going to break just by moving. Being pregnant doesn't mean I'm made out of glass."

Ludwig was unconvinced. "Are you warm enough?"

"Yes, Ludwig." She sounded amused, though her voice was tinged with exasperation.

"You're not too warm, right? That's just as bad."

"Says who? Since when are you an expert on childbearing?"

_Childbearing. _Ludwig shuddered. It sounded painful.

She tugged at his arm. "If you're so worried that I can't take of myself, then you should stay here."

Ludwig made an annoyed noise in the back of his throat. "It's too late for that, Anna. I'm due at the training camp tomorrow. Just make sure you go to the doctor regularly. And check in with your mother and grandmother. And do whatever you think your body is telling you to do. This _is _a natural process, you know. You ought to have instincts."

"You don't seem to have much faith in my instincts."

"What? Of course I do. I'm just… double-checking."

"Hm mm. Sure you are."

He knew it would weaken his argument, but he wasn't going to get any semblance of rest until he made sure she was well. _Which is all I'm doing, just making sure. Anna's going through a completely natural process. She doesn't _need _my help. I'm just _offering _it while I'm here. _"You're not hungry, are you? Or should I bring you some water?"

"I'm quite alright. Just lie down, Dr. Ludwig."

"I'm not a doctor," he grumbled, settling down and pressing close to her. "It's just common sense."

She chuckled quietly.

A few quiet moments passed as Ludwig felt Anna's warmth soak into him. "Are you getting overheated from me being so close?"

"Ludwig, I hope you put as much effort into taking care of yourself while you're away."

He bundled her against his chest and pressed his lips to the top of her head. "I will. I'm strong. I can handle fighting. You don't have anything to worry about."

"I have everything to worry about."

They lapsed into silence while Ludwig ran his fingers through her hair, hoping he was calming her. _Maybe that's why she's sick all the time. She's too anxious._

He kissed the top of her head again.

Anna turned her head away from his chest to look at him. "Before I got to know you, I would never have imagined you were this sweet."

_Sweet? _He felt his face burn. "I'm not really."

"What, you've been lying to me for the last two and a half years?" She laughed. "I don't think so. You have a soft spot, Herr Germany."

"You should get some sleep, Anna."

"This is our last night together. I can survive with a bit less than usual." She kissed the corner of his mouth, lingering there.

Ludwig swallowed, pushing away his desire. _That's probably not what she means. Besides, she needs her sleep, and so do I. _"No, we both-"

He broke off as Anna persisted, nibbling at the soft skin on his neck. Ludwig could feel his excitement rising between his legs. _Okay, maybe that is what she meant. _Anna was at his lips again, lightly holding his bottom lip between her teeth. _Ah, what the hell, she's probably right. A little less sleep can't hurt._


	5. Chapter 5

Training passed in a blur, mostly about guns. Loading a gun, shooting a gun, maintaining a gun. And there were grenades and building fortifications and discipline. It all came relatively naturally to Ludwig. The hardest part was nighttime. On the rickety cot for the six hours allotted for rest, Ludwig struggled with his worry and the tug of longing for home.

_I wonder how Anna is doing. I hope she's getting enough to eat. What if Aster knocks her over again?_

He forced his mind to be blank so that he could get some sleep. Tomorrow his month of training was over, and they were travelling to the Eastern Front with an Italian corps.

On the first day of the march, Ludwig found himself next to one of the Italian soldiers, a thin man with reddish brown hair.

"This marching sure is tiring, isn't it?" he asked Ludwig cheerfully.

Ludwig glanced over at him, surprised. "Why, we've hardly started."

"I hope we stop soon. I'm ready for lunch. Oh, hopefully there's pasta. Do you think there'll be pasta? I love pasta. Do Germans eat pasta? You all seem so big and scary and different from everyone I know back in Italy. And your accents are scary too. You make everything sound mean and threatening, so I'm glad we're on the same side, though the British are really scary too, though we're not going to be fighting them since we're going to Russia. I don't think I've ever met a Russian person. Are Russians scary? Do they have pasta in Russia? I hope they do, or if not, I hope we brought enough to last!"

Ludwig sighed, not bothering to respond to any of the chatter. That didn't seem to bother the Italian at all, if he even noticed.

"I'm Feliciano, by the way. What's your name?"

"Ludwig."

"Loodveeg." Feliciano tried to imitate Ludwig's accent.

"Don't say it like that."

"That's how you said it, but if you don't like your own name, then I'll just call you Germany. And you can call me Italy, and everyone will be able to tell that we're friends because we have nicknames for each other."

Ludwig didn't answer, but he was reminded of Anna. She still called him Herr Germany sometimes around the house. Or at least, she had when he left. _I haven't seen her in over a month now. _He pushed away his sorrow as Feliciano started speaking again.

"Is it normal in Germany to not say anything? You haven't said more than five words since we started talking!"

"You're doing enough for both of us." Irritation tinged his voice.

"You sound upset, but I guess that's just the accent. I like Italian accents so much better. We sound so friendly, and it's kind of musical, just like our language! They're also perfect for all the names of foods like pasta and pizza and spaghetti and pasta. It would be weird to hear you say any of those things, but it's kind of weird to hear you say anything, so maybe that's unrelated…"

Ludwig could tell that this was going to be a long trip.

Eventually, they reached the battle and joined the fray. Ludwig lost track of Feliciano for a little while, focusing on the fight, keeping low to the ground and shooting at exposed clusters of troops. Aircraft roared overhead and explosions and gunfire were everywhere. Ludwig briefly wondered whether he would still be able to hear after the war.

After a little while, Ludwig took shelter behind a hillock to reload his rifle. He heard an agonized screech shortly before the weight of a body crashed on top of him.

"THEY GOT ME! THEY GOT ME! I'M GOING TO DIE!"

Ludwig recognized that voice. He wriggled out from under Feliciano.

"What happened Fel- uh, Italy?"

Feliciano huddled on the ground, wailing, "Germany, I'm so glad it's you! I'm too young to die, please you have to help me!"

He was clutching his arm, though Ludwig saw no blood.

"Here, let me see it." Ludwig wrested Feliciano's hand away from the wound. "The bullet only grazed you. You're hardly even bleeding."

"But it still hurts," Feliciano whimpered. "And what if it gets infected? I think we should retreat. It's only a matter of time before someone gets seriously injured!"

"Italy… You do know that this is a war, right? We're not going to retreat because one soldier got a scrape."

"I don't like war," Feliciano lamented, tears forming in his eyes. "I didn't even want to come. I was drafted."

Ludwig felt a sudden stab of pity. "Just… just stay with me, alright?"

Feliciano immediately perked up. "Yeah! If we look after each other, then we're less likely to die a horrible death on the field! You can protect me, and I'll do what I can do to look after you. We'll be friends."

"Uh… right." Catching movement out of the corner of his eye, he tackled Feliciano to push the two of them out of the way of the grenade that detonated a few seconds later.

Feliciano clung to Ludwig, shaking. "THAT WAS SO SCARY! I DIDN'T EVEN SEE IT! HOW DID YOU KNOW TO DO THAT? I WISH WE WOULD JUST SURRENDER NOW!"

"What? No, we're not surrendering. Be vigilant, okay?"

Feliciano nodded, pale with fear.

The battle raged on for several days. When it finally ended, the German and Italian forces had successfully pushed the Russian army farther into their own territory, but the surviving men were too worn out to care. They pitched a hasty camp in what had just been a battlefield.

Ludwig, dizzy from exhaustion, fumbled to put up the tent that he and Feliciano would share. "Come on and help me with this," he ordered shortly.

Feliciano was sprawled on the ground. "I'm so tired…"

Frustration boiled inside him. "And you don't think I am? I've been doing all the work this whole time while you just whine and hide. Now get up. The sooner this tent is pitched, the sooner we can go to sleep."

Feliciano hauled himself up, though Ludwig still ended up doing most of the work. Finally, he and Feliciano crawled into their tent and were asleep in seconds.

* * *

Sweeping the store was a lot harder than it used to be. Anna moved slowly to keep her balance and had to be careful to not knock into the shelves lining the narrow aisles.

"Anna." She glanced up to see her father suddenly standing only a meter away.

"Vater, I didn't see you there."

Her father didn't answer. Instead he continued to stare gravely at her.

Anna began to feel uneasy. "What is it? What's the matter?"

"Anna… It's… it's Ludwig. Anna, my child, I'm so sorry, but Ludwig is dead."

"…Dead?" Her lips felt heavy, and her voice didn't sound like her own.

The room blurred, and she found herself standing in front of her husband laid out in a casket. She was deaf and blind to everything else in the room. Ludwig's blond hair was neatly slicked back like it usually was, though it seemed dull, more like fine straw than human hair. His face was chalky, paler even than the one time he had been bedridden with the flu for almost a week. They had dressed him in his green military uniform. He was perfectly still and completely stiff. He did not look like he was sleeping, like everyone always says people do. He looked like he was dead. _Did they think I wouldn't know the difference? _She stood there, aching, waiting for it to not be true.

Anna gasped awake. Her heart was pounding, and she felt lightheaded from adrenaline. She sat up in bed and looked around the dark bedroom, orienting herself. _Just a dream. It was just a dream. Ludwig's fine. Probably._

She laid back down, turning away from the side where Ludwig used to sleep. _And may still sleep again one day. I must have faith._

But it seemed impossible to be optimistic when she was plagued by these nightmares.

_Dear God, protect him. I know he said he would come back because he would be a good soldier, but… He can't know that. He can't really know anything about what's going to happen to him._

The memory of the dream laid heavily on Anna. Sickening grief churned inside her, even though she knew it wasn't real. She wondered whether he had reached Russia yet, and whether the Germans were winning. She had stopped listening to the radio and had stopped reading the papers. She dreaded that, if Ludwig were to be killed, she would hear about it as a part of an anonymous statistic before receiving the news personally.

She felt a strong kick in her belly. "Are you worried about your father, too, little one?" she cooed, laying her hand over where she had felt the baby's movement. "I bet you can't wait to meet him."

Tears choked her voice as she thought the rest of that sentence. _If he survives._

**A/N: A short chapter today, guys! But thanks for the follows and favorites, and please don't hesitate to leave a review! I would love to hear from you! **


	6. Chapter 6

Several battles followed, much like the first: eardrum-shattering roars of planes overhead and bombs gouging the landscape, leaving ditches of pulverized earth and mangled bodies; days spent in constant high alert, scanning the landscape for enemy troops, both to target them and to avoid being targeted. For Ludwig, the fighting was even more exhausting as he had to watch out for himself and Feliciano, who typically proved himself to be useless on the field, whether Ludwig caught him napping unprotected or trying to shoot an unloaded gun.

But now there was a brief respite and all over the makeshift camp, soldiers were resting and whiling away their time. Some slept; others huddled in small groups, smoking and playing cards. Ludwig walked around briefly before returning to his and Feliciano's tent, finding the other man asleep, his face resting on a short stack of lined paper.

_Probably writing letters. _Feliciano seemed to have an endless number of brothers to whom he wrote often. _Perhaps I should try writing to Anna… _The idea made him feel awkward and nervous—_What is one to write in a letter?_—but he felt compelled by the fact that surely she would respond and then he would have her words in her handwriting to carry around with him. He felt a small, light gladness at the thought.

He crouched down and slipped some paper out from the bottom of Feliciano's pile, knowing that nearly nothing was capable of waking him. Swiping the pencil that laid nearby, he retreated to a corner of the tent to attempt letter writing.

_Dear Anna,_

A moment passed as he stared at the paper. _What do I do? I can't tell her about the war. It will only upset her, and she can't afford to be stressing with the baby. The baby! I must ask her about that._

_How are you, and how is your pregnancy?_

_Too blunt_, he thought, feeling strange writing the word "pregnancy." He erased the question.

_How is everything coming along?_

_Too vague. _Erase.

_How are you and the baby?_

_There. That was harder than it should have been… Now what? _He sighed after a minute or two of unsuccessful contemplation. _This isn't going to work. _Frustrated, he dropped the pencil and almost crumpled the paper, but he couldn't bring himself to destroy the only line of communication he had with his wife, even if it was a sorry attempt. Instead he neatly folded it and tucked it away in a pocket. He slid down onto his back and closed his eyes, imagining himself lying in bed holding Anna. In his mind, she kissed him down the side of his neck, the way she knew was his favorite. But the brief happiness brought on by the fantasy quickly faded. _I haven't even been able to write a damn letter to her, and it's been three months. I still have so much longer before I can see her. _The thought made him throb with homesickness. Balling his fists and gritting his teeth, he pushed away all his thoughts of home.

_I can't stand feeling like this. If I don't think about it, it won't hurt._

He went to sleep that night, forcing himself to think about drills and battle strategies from his training, carefully ignoring the leaden weight on his heart.

* * *

Laden with baby weight, a very pregnant Anna trundled through town to her family's house for their weekly lunch together. Her mother had offered that the family go to Anna's house to save her all the walking, but Anna was glad to get out of the house. Now that Ludwig was gone, the place had become too big and lonely, even with the dogs. And besides, Anna had wanted to pay a visit to Myriam while she was in the neighborhood which was why she was here earlier than usual.

But when she reached her little street, she was stopped in her tracks with shock. Hurrying forward, she stopped in front of Myriam's house, or what had once been Myriam's house. Now the windows were all shattered, the door was splintered, and Anna could see that the inside of the house was a ransacked mess with furniture overturned or smashed. A bright yellow six-pointed star was painted on the brick front.

"Anna!"

She whipped around to see her grandmother standing in the doorway of the shop, her grey eyes glistening and her face grave.

"Anna, dear, you must have missed your parents. They were on their way to tell you. It happened last night…"

"Oma." Anna's voice cracked as anguish flooded through her, threatening to drown her. She choked out a sob, feeling frightened and alone.

"Oh, sweet pea, come here," the little, old lady hobbled her way, carefully picking through shards of glass on the stones and wrapped as much of her granddaughter as she could into a hug.

Anna's face crumpled and she hid it in her grandmother's soft gray hair, letting out a muffled keening. "I don't understand what happened, Oma. We never have crime like this!"

Her grandmother pulled away, a puzzled look on her face. "Crime? You do know that this has been ordered by the Third Reich all over the country, right?"

Anna stiffened in outrage. "What? Why?"

Her grandmother continued to look confused. "Because they're Jewish. Jews all over the country are being assigned to camps. Really Anna, have you not heard of this? It's all over the newspapers."

Anna turned away. "I can't stand to read the news. All I can think about is Ludwig-" She was seized suddenly by a thought so awful Anna could hardly bear it. "Ludwig. You don't think he's doing this sort of thing, do you?"

"I thought he was going to Russia?"

Anna felt a surge of irritation. "Who knows? I certainly don't. I haven't heard one word from the man. Probably because he's ashamed to tell me about what he's doing, bullying perfectly nice families like the Schleins. What did Myriam or any of her family do to the Fuhrer? I doubt little Rosie-" Once again Anna's voice cut out with emotion. She covered her face in her hands. "What's going to happen to them?"

Anna's grandmother shifted her weight uncomfortably. "The details are a little fuzzy, but… I'm not so sure you would like to know."

"THAT BASTARD LUDWIG!" Anna screeched, stamping her foot in frustration. "GETS ME PREGNANT THEN LEAVES ME ALL ALONE SO THAT HE CAN DO THE DEVIL'S WORK! TO THINK HE CHARMED ME WITH A LOAD OF BULLSHIT ABOUT PROTECTING ME AND SERVING THE COUNTRY!"

"Come inside, dear," her grandmother gently nudged her in the direction of the door as several nearby neighbors peeked out of their windows at the racket.

She stormed inside and started pacing the small area between the shelves of merchandise and the counter. "I CAN'T BELIEVE I MARRIED A MONSTER. Oh, I should have expected it…. What kind of man doesn't say one word to his wife for SIX MONTHS? Mother told me that Vater used to write to her almost every week when he was away for the Great War. The coldhearted bastard!"

She heard her father's voice, murmuring "Why is she upset with Ludwig?"

She turned to see that her parents had arrived. "I'm upset with Ludwig," she said coldly. "Because he's a lying, mean-spirited low-life with no sense of decency or morality."

Her father scratched the back of his head. "What on earth did he do? I always thought he seemed like a good, hardworking young man…"

"Well, that was before he become a damned Nazi. Now he's rampaging around tearing apart our own country. YOU SAW WHAT THE LIKES OF HIM DID TO MYRIAM! IF SHE'S A THREAT TO THE COUNTRY THAN THEY MIGHT AS WELL SEND ME TO A CAMP TOO!"

Sobbing uncontrollably, she leaned against a wall. A profound sense of loss seemed to be weighing her down, choking out her anger. Her grandmother gently led her upstairs to the old sofa where Anna used to sit in her grandmother's lap as a little girl. She sat in the middle of the cushy brown couch with her grandmother by her side and heard her mother in the kitchen, putting a kettle on to boil, though it seemed like she was listening through a distance. Her father stood at the door, head bowed. Anna slowly calmed, her distress settling into empty shock.

Anna's grandmother put her hand on Anna's knee. "Sweetheart, I know you were close to Myriam, and I can hardly imagine what it feels like to lose her like this. But I don't think you ought to blame this all on Ludwig. I know you're not happy with him, and I'm not too happy about him not letting you know where he is, but you made a vow on your wedding day. Right there in front of everyone in the good Lord's house, you promised to stand by that man through thick and thin. I know that he's wearing you pretty thin, believe me, but the people in your life are important. Myriam will always be important to you, but there isn't anything we can do about that now. But you still have the chance to not let the horrible thing that happened to her make you lose your husband too."

Anna's eyes burned as more tears formed in her already bloodshot eyes. _How can I even cry this much?_

Her mother gently pushed a warm mug of tea into Anna's hands. Her throat felt closed, so she just held the cup, gratefully letting the warmth soak into her hands.

"I want to stay here tonight."

"Stay as long as you like." Her mother and grandmother, one on each side of her, answered in unison. She saw that her father was still by the door, wiping his face. _That softie always gets upset when anyone else is._ Despite all the heartache, she still felt warmth bubbling up for love of her family.

_You're coming into a good place_, she said mentally to the baby shifting inside of her. _And don't worry, if your father ever drags his sorry ass back here, he won't be as bad as I made him sound today. Just listen to Oma. She's always right. I _have _to believe that Ludwig is still a good man, though I wish I could do more than believe._

* * *

Ludwig stumbled along on yet another interminable march. Weariness had sunken deep into his bones, since the soldiers had only been allowed a short rest after the previous battle before this march began. The generals were very concerned with getting to Stalingrad before the approaching harsh Russian winter took its toll on the German forces. Though now with warm summer sun warming his skin, winter seemed such a long way off that Ludwig would gladly have slept all day, not at all worried about getting to the city in time.

Even Feliciano was silent, trudging despondently alongside Ludwig, too tired for his usual chatter. Ludwig found himself missing the Italian's cheer, even if it was obnoxious.

_I may regret this later, but maybe he'll help take my mind off my aching legs. _He cleared his throat, staring ahead. "You're awfully quiet today, Italy."

"Eh?" Feliciano glanced up at Ludwig, surprised. "I thought you liked quiet."

Ludwig shrugged. "And I thought you liked noise… Is something the matter?"

Feliciano sighed. "I miss home. At home, I can sleep as much as I want, and I can eat as much as I want, and I don't have to do so much running around, and people aren't trying to blow me up all the time." He pouted.

Unsure of how to continue the conversation, Ludwig awkwardly said, "Yes, leaving home is hard."

Once again surprised, Feliciano stared at Ludwig. "Germany, I've never thought to ask you about your home! I just assumed it was scary like you are! Do you miss home too?"

Ludwig hesitated. He had been purposely avoiding thinking about everything he had left behind, crushing any thought of things that would make him weak. But now memories pressed to the front of his mind, and he felt an ache completely unrelated to his sore muscles. "Yes. I do."

Feliciano looked at him expectantly. "Well? What's it like?"

"Well… I live in the house I was raised in… It's a stone house on the edge of town, with a tall wooden fence surrounding a big backyard for my dogs…" He continued to describe his three dogs, his hometown, his job as the police chief, and Anna. He quickly did a mental calculation and realized with a jolt that she must be _very _close to having their child by now.

"You have a wife?! I would have never thought you were good with women, Germany."

Ludwig's face reddened. "I'm not."

Feliciano was back to his normal animated self at this news. "Wow, she must really love you then! How adorable! Is she pretty? Is she nice? How long have you known her? What do you two talk about? I want to meet her! Will you take me to your house after all this is over so I can meet her? I can make pasta! Has she ever had pasta? Is she as scary as you are? Does she also have a funny accent?"

Ludwig was only half listening. He had not anticipated that talking about his past would feel as good as it did, though now he was rewarded with a crushing desire to see Anna again or at least talk to her. But she felt far away, in distance and time, a part of his past, not his present. _This is exactly why I can't let my emotions get the better of me. Once they start, it is greatly harder to stop._

"Germany? Germany? Hey Germany, are you listening?"

Ludwig snapped back to reality. "Eh, sorry, what?"

"Why don't you write home? I thought couples were supposed to write love letters during war. It's all supposed to be very romantic."

Ludwig bristled. "That's not how real life works! Do you think I have the time to sit around writing letters to people?"

"Well… sure. It doesn't have to be long. We're not always busy."

"And what am I supposed to say, then? Tell my wife about what it's like to be surrounded by death all the time? Perhaps entertain her with the story of when I spent twenty minutes turning over dead bodies, expecting one of them to be you? Or maybe I should just ask her about the weather while I try to avoid getting bombed?"

Feliciano quailed at Ludwig's sudden onslaught, but he couldn't resist adding, "It doesn't matter what you say to her, as long as you say something. It's important to stay in touch with-"

"Stay in touch?! We lost touch as soon as I walked onto the battlefield. We live in two different worlds now, and I could never write enough letters to fix that."

They went in silence for the rest of the day.

* * *

_Dear big brother,_

_You'll never guess what Germany told me today- He has a wife! Her name is Anna! How cute is that?_

_But before you get too carried away imagining how incredibly cute they probably are, I think they have a problem!_

_You see, Germany is unbelievably bad at talking and doing normal things. It's quite unfortunate. You know he's never had pasta? It's probably why he's so pale._

_Anyway, what was I talking about?_

_Oh, that's right! Germany's problem! He misses his amore very badly (He didn't tell me this, but I can tell), and she misses him (probably). But he refuses to write a letter to her!_

_Crazy, right? That's Germany for you. He said all these depressing things about how pointless it is to write letters home!_

_But he's obviously been miserable ever since we talked about it, so tonight I'm going to coach him on how to write a letter to your beloved! He hasn't agreed to it yet, so wish me luck!_

_Ciao,_

_Feliciano_

* * *

Anna was washing dishes when she heard a knock at the door. She lumbered into the living room and opened the door to see her father standing there, brandishing an envelope.

"You'll never believe it! I asked the Herr Wiendt if you had any mail when I went to post office to get mine, and, well just look."

She handed the envelope to him. "Ludwig! He must have learned how to write!"

Her father pointed to the return address. "And look where it's from! I'm almost positive that's a place in Russia!"

"Well that's certainly better than the alternative," she muttered, heart still heavy from the fate of Myriam at the hands of domestic Nazis.

Despite her bitterness, wild excitement raced through her as she tore the letter free of the envelope.

She read:

_Dear Anna,_

_How are you and the baby? I am not very sure when this will reach you, so I'm not sure if you've had it yet or not._

_As you may have noticed, I'm in Russia. It's still summer though, so it's not as cold as you would expect._

_I've made a friend here. His name is Feliciano, and he's from Italy. He tells me that I should apologize for not writing to you sooner, but I'm sure you understand._

_I love you very much._

_Warm regards,_

_Ludwig_

"Well, it's not the most informational thing I've ever seen, but…" Anna couldn't stop smiling. "Let's hope this is a start."

Anna read the letter many more times that day.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey everyone! This chapter is a short one, and it's the last one I had finished from my backlog. Updates are going to be a little more sporadic for a while since junior year is hellllla busy, but I will get to it! In the meantime, happy reading!**

With difficulty, Anna dialed the phone, shaking with fear and excitement.

"Mother, come quickly, I think I'm going into labor."

"Get upstairs to bed. I'll be there shortly."

Anna had a moment to be thankful that her own mother was the town midwife before something which she could only assume was a contraction seized her. The pain was bearable for now, but Anna hoped her mother would come soon. From what she had heard, it would eventually get worse.

After what felt like an eternity, Anna's mother arrived. Anna heard the dogs barking at the door.

_Verdammt. I should have put them in the backyard, _she thought briefly before she was distracted by the spasm of another contraction.

Before she knew it, her mother was at her side, quickly looking her over. Another contraction rippled down Anna's belly. She flinched, taken aback by the agony.

"They're getting worse," she whimpered.

Her mother looked at her sympathetically. "That means progress, dear. But the good news is that you're coming along quick-"

She was interrupted by Anna's screech as a powerful contraction tore through her. The excruciating pangs were overwhelming her, crowding out most of her thoughts, leaving a wordless longing for this to be over.

"Mother, I want Ludwig," she wailed. "I don't want to do this alone. I want him back."

Her mother shook her head gently. "Don't worry about that just now. This part would be on you, even if he were here. Now I'm going to need you to push."

To Anna's dismay, the ordeal lasted several more hours. She wasn't quite sure she believed her mother when she assured her that it was one of the shorter births she'd seen.

_Those poor women. How can they bear it for so long?_

At last, Anna lay limply in bed, sore and exhausted, while her mother tended to the newborn. If she didn't think that moving even a single muscle sounded absolutely terrible right now, she was sure she would want a bath.

But an unexpected energy welled inside her, revitalizing her, as she heard the cry.

"Listen to that healthy little boy!" her mother gushed, handing Anna a tiny pink creature wrapped tightly in a white blanket.

Anna's vision blurred, but she quickly brushed the tears out of her eyes to see her new baby.

"He's so small." She laughed weakly even though tears were dripping down her face.

"What is his name?" Her mother gently prompted.

"His name?" Anna took a sharp intake of breath. She had hoped against hope that Ludwig would be back by the time it was time to name their child."I- I've always liked the name Klaus."

Her mother smiled. "Klaus? A good name for the strong man he'll grow to be."

"Yes," Anna said, decided. "Klaus Ludwig Beilschmidt is his name."

* * *

Ludwig sat up suddenly, heart beating wildly and blinded with tears. Annoyed, he swept his arm across his eyes to clear his vision. He stayed sitting up in his tent next to Feliciano, who was spread-eagled on his back, mouth open slightly. Ludwig stared at his tent-mate, listening to the quiet night, waiting for his heartbeat to steady.

_How childish is that? Not even that idiot Italy wakes up in the middle of the night because he had a _bad dream, he thought contemptuously.

He defiantly laid down again, crossing his arms. Irritation simmered in his belly. _I'm so goddamned tired of lying on the ground. Maybe that's why I can't sleep._

Unbidden, images of his nightmare forced themselves into his mind. Fields of bodies, maimed and disfigured in ways Ludwig would never have believed was possible before he had seen it himself on the battlefield. Blood collected like rain in puddles on the ground; it made the grass slick and soaked his clothes with sticky stains reeking of iron. Men screaming in pain nearly drowned out the crash of exploding bombs.

Ludwig groaned, rubbing his hands over his face. _What's wrong with me?_

The trumpet call sounded, signaling dawn. And with dawn came packing camp and starting the last leg of the march before they reached Stalingrad. Ludwig was glad to throw himself completely into the work, forcing down the disturbing images from the night before.

Once they were marching, Feliciano fell into his normal place next to Ludwig. "Hey Germany, have you been sleeping alright?"

Ludwig felt a brief spike of alarm. _How the hell can he possibly know about the dreams? _"Why is that any of your business?" he snapped.

Feliciano tilted his head to the side. "You just look tired. That's all."

Ludwig wavered, tempted to confide in his friend. _No. He depends on _me _to protect _him. _I can't let him know how weak I am._

Ludwig's thoughts were interrupted by a stir of murmuring and pointing. The army had crested a hill and now the river Volga lay at the bottom and beyond it, Stalingrad.

"Look, Italy, there it is. If we take this city, we've secured the Eastern Front."

"And then we win?"

"Hm… Not quite. But we'll be well on our way."

"Will we get to go home?"

"...Let's just worry about this first."


	8. Chapter 8

**A.N.: Hello dear readers! I barely had any time for anything but school this semester, so that's why I haven't updated in such a long time! But on the bright side, this chapter is about FIVE TIMES LONGER than the last update, so maybe that will make up for it? **

**Reviews make my day! Happy reading!**

Anna stifled a scream of frustration into the pillow that she had been sleeping on just moments ago.

_I thought babies slept all the time! _She groaned as she forced herself to her feet for what felt like the fortieth time that night to answer the high wailing coming from the room down the hall.

She tried in vain to rub away the headache that was forming behind her eyes as Ludwig's dogs started caterwauling, as if trying to match their howls to the pitch of Klaus's cries.

"Shut up, you damned beasts!" Anna shouted shrilly as she left her bedroom.

The dogs quieted for a second before starting again. "Is Ludwig sure the army didn't need a few dogs?" she muttered.

She bustled into the nursery (which only a few months ago had been a spare room—_won't Ludwig be astonished to see the difference? _Anna thought). Scooping the distressed little boy into her arms, she murmured, with the most calm she could muster, "Let me guess. You want to take another stroll around the house?"

Klaus's crying became less urgent, fading into broken sobs. "I'll take that as a yes," Anna said, even though she sincerely doubted the infant truly understood the question.

She continued talking as she headed down the hall to the stairs. "Klaus, ich liebe dich, but you've only been in this world for a month. How do you expect your mother to last like this? Adults need to sleep at night. There are only so many times when I can let you visit Oma and Opa while Mama takes a nap."

Klaus had completely quieted by now, staring around with round blue eyes.

"You have your father's eyes," she stated flatly. She sighed as she stopped in the living room, positioning Klaus so that his gaze fell on the photograph hanging above the sofa. "There he is. That's Vati and Mama on our wedding day."

She stared mournfully at the black-and-white picture, rocking side to side to keep the baby in her arms satisfied. The newly married Ludwig and Anna of the past were overjoyed and innocent, eyes and smiles shining brightly. She lingered on the image of her husband. Tuxedo-clad and desperately happy, he held her tightly, pressing her as close to himself as he could, though Anna knew that more from memory than from looking at the photo.

Klaus started fussing, so Anna started walking and talking again. "I remember your father holding me like he never wanted to let go."

Sadness draped over her like a heavy blanket. She fell silent, but Klaus was insistent. Anna sighed. "My oma warned me that babies get nervous in the quiet. And you're no exception, are you, little Klaus? …I guess I can be the same way, schatz. Your Vati's silence makes me nervous. He wrote me a letter months ago, and I never heard anything else."

She smiled bitterly, no longer really talking to her son. "He said in the letter that he was sure that I understood why he was so reluctant to write to me. But I really don't. I don't understand any of it. I don't understand why he feels the need to be in the war in the first place, why he felt the need to leave me, _pregnant_. Wars are for bachelors, not for people trying to start families. He was just _so _concerned about this war turning out the same way as the Great War, but I just don't see why it matters. I don't understand any of it, _especially _not why he hasn't written back to me. I answered his letter the same day, and he never sent anything else. Hell, I could be dead, _and he wouldn't even know._"

Tears brimming in her eyes, Anna whispered a dark thought that she had never let herself entertain for very long, but something about those dark hours before dawn made it seem truer than ever. "I'm not even sure if he cares anymore."

* * *

With Feliciano in tow, Ludwig crept to a corner of a building to peer around through a narrow alley at a main street where a patrol of Russian soldiers prowled, entering into buildings, searching for enemies in vain. Their drab uniforms suited the gray cityscape, giving Ludwig a slight chill as his mind briefly compared the current setting to the lush woods and vivid colors of his hometown.

Forcing his thoughts away from home, he instead focused on the Russians, readying his rifle as he listened for the signal. Feliciano, on the other hand, seemed to be focusing on anything but the impending attack and stood with his back to the wall, head tilted back to make contact with the cold stone, his eyes tightly screwed shut.

A shrill whistle, barely perceptible, sounded. Instantly, troops ranged along the street fired at the Russians, the air filled with the staccato booming of gunfire mingled with the occasional strangled scream as a man went down. Ludwig's bullets found their marks, splattering blood and brains. The ambush was over as suddenly as it had started. Ludwig's sense of grim satisfaction was tainted by Feliciano's terrified whimpering as he cowered next to him.

"Germany, this is so scary! Did-did you just kill someone?"

"Verdammt, this is a war! It's my job to kill!"

A question appeared, completely unbidden, in his head. _What would gentle Anna say about that? _Ludwig angrily snapped out loud in response. "You just don't understand!"

He stormed away, not caring whether Feliciano followed or not. _What is he trying to do? Why does he have to rub in my face how much of a better person he is? Isn't it bad enough that he still writes endless letters to his family? _He fumed. _Though at least I wrote a letter eventually. Anna didn't even answer. She probably still blames me for joining the military… Does she even still care what happens to me?_

His reveries were interrupted by several bullets smattering the packed dirt around his boots, narrowly missing him. Ludwig's eyes shot up to see the form of a woman plummeting towards him from an upstairs window, brandishing a knife.

_Mein Gott, the women fight here too?_

Ludwig had just enough time to square his shoulders to brace for the impact of his assailant. Nonetheless, he staggered a bit and gasped as fiery agony ripped across his shoulder. Her skill with the knife was evidently better than her abilities with pistols.

Quickly, before she had the opportunity to land a deadlier blow, Ludwig dropped to the ground and rolled. As he expected, she loosened her grip in shock as his weight knocked the breath from her. He jumped up and grabbed her by her wrists. He threw her violently away from himself, feeling her bones snap in his hands. Once he let go of her, he grabbed his gun and shot her in the head before she could get up and attack him again. Turning away from the bloodstained ground, Ludwig saw that he was alone. Feliciano was nowhere to be found. _He must have run off when he saw the way I attacked that woman. But what else was I supposed to do?_

For a moment a wail of helpless frustration threatened to burst from Ludwig's throat, but he screwed his eyes shut and took a deep breath, forcing himself to be calm, forcing himself to feel empty. After all the emotions that had been assailing Ludwig recently, he welcomed cold emptiness.

* * *

Feliciano huddled under the blankets in the abandoned building that he and Ludwig used as a camp while the Stalingrad campaign lasted.

_Which I hope won't be long! This part is the scariest yet! I hope Germany gets back soon! _

Icy, twisting anxiety seized him, so awful it forced its way through Feliciano's throat as a whimper. _What if he doesn't come back? I didn't even stay long enough to see if he was alright after there was all that gunfire. Who was even shooting at us? I thought we had just killed all those Russians! Why are there so many people trying to kill us?_

His worst fears were alleviated as he heard Ludwig's voice at the door. "Italy, are you in here?"

Feliciano sprang out from under the blanket, squealing in glee. "GERMANY, I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD FOR SURE!"

Ludwig jumped back, grasping his rifle and pointing it at Feliciano. Realizing that there was not a Russian lying in wait after all, he slung his gun back over his shoulder, brow furrowed in anger. "You idiot, you realize I could have killed you just then? What on earth made you jump out at me like that? Mein Gott, I was just _ambushed _a few minutes ago! Don't you think I might be a little on edge after that? Do you have any sense at all?!"

His voice increased in intensity until he nearly roared the last question. Feliciano cowered, though he couldn't help thinking, _Did I just scare Germany? Wow, I must be tougher than I realized! Though now he's kind of scaring me…_

"I'm sorry, Germany. It's just that I thought you were dead which was really making me upset and I felt bad because I ran away when I heard the gun go off and didn't even check to see if you were alright-"

"Wait." Ludwig held a hand up against the onslaught of Feliciano's longwinded apology. "You said you ran off _right when you heard the gunshot_?"

Feliciano hurled himself onto Ludwig, clinging to him as he begged, "YES, I'M SORRY, I KNOW I'M A COWARD AND I PROBABLY DISAPPOINT YOU BUT IT WAS SO SCARY! PLEASE FORGIVE ME, GERMANYYYYYY!"

"I'm not disappointed in you," Ludwig grumbled as he pushed the man away. "I was just… curious about what you saw."

Feliciano glanced down at his hand, which now glistened with blood. "GERMANY! I'M BLEEDING!"

He sank to the ground, holding his bloody hand far away from the rest of him, staring at it in horror.

"No, you're not, dummkopf, I am. If you would calm down for three seconds, I would have told you that already. A woman attacked me with a knife after you ran off, but before you start with the weeping und carrying on, I'm fine, it's not very deep. It just needs to be bandaged."

"I'll help you, Germany!" Feliciano answered brightly. "Bandaging was one of the parts of training that I was awake for!"

Ludwig hesitated for a split second before relenting. "Alright."

He settled on the ground in front of Feliciano, crossing his legs as he started to unbutton his jacket. Feliciano dug through his pack until he found a roll of bandages.

"Hey, Germany, when I'm finished with this, we should go to the supply camp to see if they've gotten any food! I'm so hungry!"

"I doubt they will have any. Ever since the siege started, the air shipments are mostly weapons, if you haven't noticed. The little that they may have gotten is sure to be gone by now. I just want to go to sleep."

"But we have to try! Aren't you hungry? We haven't eaten in days." _This war is such a tragedy. I don't know about German people, but what else could possibly make a healthy Italian man do something so unnatural?_

"No. I'm not hungry. Now stop talking about it." Feliciano heard Ludwig's stomach growl loudly in protest.

Feliciano considered the argument won. "Your mouth says no, but your stomach is telling me yes," he said in a singsong voice. "You're all bandaged up, now let's see if there's any food! Maybe even pasta!"

He leapt up and waited for Ludwig at the door while he pulled his shirt back on. "There definitely will _not _be pasta," Ludwig said, his voice muffled as he dressed.

Feliciano ignored him, a smile still plastered on his face. _No wonder he's so grumpy! Such a pessimist!_

As they walked the short way to the supply camp, Feliciano started humming cheerily. This area was populated all by German and Italian soldiers who waved, bemused, as Feliciano enthusiastically greeted everyone he encountered.

"Would you stop that?" Ludwig snapped.

"What? Being nice?"

"Just… being so happy. It doesn't suit this place."

"Not everyone's a big grumpy pants like you, Germany."

Ludwig glared.

"I didn't mean that in a mean way. It's just that-"

Ludwig rounded on Feliciano. "I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT. ALL I HEAR FROM YOU IS APOLOGIES AND COMPLAINTS. MAYBE I'M SO IRRITABLE BECAUSE I HAVE TO BE WITH YOU ALL THE TIME!"

Feliciano froze, his eyes pricking with tears, for once speechless with shock.

* * *

Ludwig's face reddened with shame as he realized what he'd said. An awkward silence dragged on for what felt like twenty minutes as Feliciano stood there, tears spilling over his eyelids, and Ludwig couldn't make his mouth form words, even though he wanted to apologize.

_But an apology would sound pretty hollow after that, wouldn't it, you bastard?_

Finally, after an eternity, Feliciano ran off, sobbing. Ludwig watched him long enough to see that he made it safely back to their building, but he could not bring himself to follow.

_He probably doesn't want to see me anyway._

The hairs on the back of Ludwig's neck prickled as he became unnervingly conscious of the thick silence all around him.

_Verdammt, everyone heard that, didn't they?_

He stole a quick glance around and was met only with stares of animosity from his fellow soldiers ranged around him. Ludwig stormed off, desperate to be away from the tension.

_Even if there is food, no one's going to give me any, after that display._

Reckless from emotion, Ludwig paid no attention to where he was going, only that he needed to be away.

_What is wrong with me?_

His feet passed over pavement and rubble indiscriminately in a steady jog; the thump and crunch of his footsteps jarred through his body. Soon, however, the sun started to set and cold descended upon the city. The Axis generals' high hopes for a decisive battle to secure the Eastern Front before the cruel Russian frosts set in appeared to be failing on all counts. Chilled and exhausted, Ludwig leaned against a doorpost to catch his breath and rub his hands together.

_Tired already? I used to be able to run so much farther than this. Of course, that was before I was starving._

He surveyed the area, his senses returning to him. _What an idiot move, running off like that without paying any attention. At least I still know where I am. It's probably a good thing I can't run that far any more._

Suddenly, Ludwig's breath hitched as he heard gunshot and shouting coming from the direction of the Axis settlement he had just left. He took off running, powered by adrenaline, but he tripped over a patch of uneven pavement and tumbled to the ground, skidding almost a half a meter. He winced as he felt blood ooze from his hands, which had taken most of the force of the fall. He caught a glance of movement in his peripheral vision and quickly stumbled into a nearby building for cover, reaching for his gun. He blinked in surprise to see how close the Russian soldier was. He was a huge man, wrapped warmly in a scarf, with a head of mousy pale colored hair. He was walking almost leisurely, gazing around him with a strangely intimidating smile on his face.

"I saw someone here!" he called cheerfully, in German, though with a strong Russian accent. "There is no hiding from me!"

_He must have gotten a decent look at my uniform if he knew to speak in German… or he's a lucky guesser. Though let's face it, I've never been one for optimism._

Ludwig carefully pointed his gun around the doorway to get a good shot at the Russian. But his heart leapt into his mouth as the man suddenly turned, with a huge grin on his face.

"There you are! I thought as much!" Ludwig ducked back behind the safety of the wall of the building, a house he could see now, to hide from the volley of gunfire that splintered the doorpost.

"Let's play a little game. I call it 'How to Kill a Nazi Scum.' You get to choose between two options: one, you come out of that building, and I fill you with bullets. Or, two, you stay inside, and my little friend blows you to bits."

_He has a grenade!_

Ludwig dove farther into the house, banking on a back exit.

Then there was the explosion.

The sound of it almost burst his eardrums and the force of it knocked him to the ground, winded. With a roar, the house collapsed around him, collapsed _on _him. Ludwig felt brick and wood rapidly pile on top of him, then a supporting beam slammed into him, with a sickening crunch that Ludwig feared came from inside his body. Then the roar died down to a steady pattering of falling bricks and pouring dust. Then for a brief moment of silence, as Ludwig coughed dust and smoke out of his lungs.

He started scrabbling madly at the debris, desperate to see light and breathe fresh air. Drawing on every last scrap of energy, he tried to pull himself out from beneath the worst of the wreckage. He couldn't move, his legs were completely pinned. He couldn't even feel them, much less move them. Panicky terror filled him, threatening to burst him.

"HELP! PLEASE, SOMEBODY HELP ME!"

He kept screaming until his voice went hoarse. Then he kept screaming after that.

"PLEASE! PLEASE, HELP, I CAN'T MOVE!"

His head swam, and he felt sick. Suddenly very faint, he couldn't scream anymore.

"Please. Please. I need help."

Then, nothing.

* * *

Feliciano could not believe that Ludwig hated him. He curled in a ball and sobbed.

_What did I do wrong? Sure, I run away and cry and complain, but what does he expect me to do? We can't all be super strong and super tough like Germany!_

_ Wait. _His sobs subsided and he sat up. _That's it. No one's that strong, not even Germany. He probably didn't mean what he said! Think about it. He had a pretty tough day. And I _did _scare him by jumping out at him, right after he was attacked! And he was all covered in blood, and probably in pain, and hungry and tired. Of course he was impatient with me! He didn't mean it!_

Feliciano jumped and let out a yelp as his ears were suddenly assaulted with the sound of gunfire and shouting. He rushed under his blanket again and hid until everything was quiet.

_This is just the same as earlier! But this time, I'll make sure to come slowly and quietly of the blanket this time._

Feliciano carefully pulled the blanket off of himself, then stood up and, gathering all his bravery, peeked outside. There was no one, alive anyway. Feliciano carefully avoided looking directly at any body lying suspiciously still.

_ But what if one of them is Germany!? _He gulped.

After a minute of waiting to make sure everything stayed quiet, Feliciano ran over to where he had stood earlier with Ludwig. A soldier grabbed him and dragged him inside.

"Careful, Private Vargas. There was just a surprise attack."

"What about Ger- I mean, Corporal Beilschmidt?"

The soldier scoffed. "He ran off after saying that shit to you."

"Hey, he's had it rough. Don't blame him too much," Feliciano assured him.

Both men jumped as there was more distant, but still not very far, gunfire.

The soldier shifted his weight uncomfortably from foot to foot. "Uh, that just came from the direction Beilschmidt went."

Feliciano gasped. "Germany!"

He was more scared than ever of leaving the relative safety of the building, but he knew that Ludwig might need his help.

_And that's what friends do. We help each other._

Then there was the sound of a larger explosion.

After another moment of hesitation, Feliciano ran towards the sound. Eventually, he found a building that seemed to have fallen more recently than others in the area. It was still smoking and gravel and stones were still shifting in it. He slowly approached it.

"G-G-Germany? Are- are you here?"

Feliciano wasn't sure whether he heard a muffled voice or rather he imagined one. To be safe, he ran back to the camp where more soldiers had come out of hiding to collect the dead and assess the wounded.

"Everyone, please come! I think my friend might be trapped in a collapsed building!"

Several people accompanied Feliciano back to the ruin, moved by his evident distress.

They searched for a while, digging around through the shifting rubble. But oftentimes, an avalanche of rubble would re-cover an area that had previously been dug out, and they were constantly starting over. Meanwhile, it got darker and colder with each passing minute. Feliciano was filled with a manic energy from anxiety, but the other soldiers had no such power fueling them to powers beyond what their malnourished bodies could provide and were soon tired of the search.

"Come on, Vargas. We're not going to find him," one man complained, rubbing his lower back.

"Even if we do, he's probably dead," another chimed in, wiping his arm across his eyes.

"No! We have to keep looking! He's here, I know it! And we _have _to find him! Let's hurry, he must be getting cold!"

"_I'm_ getting cold," one of the soldiers muttered. But they continued.

Feliciano dug away steadily, gasping as his hand struck something softer than stone.

"A hand! I found a hand! He's over here!"

Everyone came over and started digging, soon finding a head of disheveled blond hair.

"GERMANY!"

Feliciano leaned down to look into Ludwig's face. He seemed to be lying on his belly with his head turned to one side. His eyes were closed and his hair was a mess but Feliciano could feel Ludwig's warm breath.

"HE'S ALIVE!" he crowed triumphantly.

They worked their way to Ludwig's waist, where they found a huge beam crushing him.

"Poor Germany," Feliciano whispered.

With some more recruits from the camp, they were able to free Ludwig from the beam, and then they simply dragged him to freedom. He lay, unmoving, unconscious, gray with dust, and streaked with blood, but alive.

"We'll have to get him airlifted out of here," one of them remarked. "He needs to be in a hospital, a proper hospital."

_A hospital? Germany's leaving me?_


	9. Chapter 9

Author's Note: Hello everyone! Sorry for the huge gap between updates! But, geez, can college be busy. Anyway, I'm on summer break now, so fingers crossed for faster updates! Thanks so much for sticking with me and this story! Enjoy!

* * *

"Is this the place? It's very nice, Corporal Beilschmidt."

"Ja, danke, this is it."

Home. _I never thought I would see this place again._

Yet, Ludwig was fidgety with anxiety. He fiddled with a hangnail on his thumb while his companion, a soldier assigned to accompany Ludwig home, ascended the steps to Ludwig's porch and rapped smartly on the door.

_What if Anna doesn't even want me? All I am is a burden now._

The soldier glanced back quickly. "You said your wife is here? Maybe she can help me get you inside."

_Help you get me inside? Gott, I'm useless._

Several minutes passed. The soldier knocked again. Ludwig felt nauseous.

_What if she saw me through the window and decided she doesn't want me to live with her anymore?_

The soldier on the porch turned and said affably, "Perhaps the missus is out."

Something about the man's cheerfulness reminded Ludwig, with a pang, of Feliciano. _I never even saw him again after I yelled at him. I never apologized. I wonder if he knows what happened to me?_

"I'll try knocking one more time."

Finally, this time, Anna answered. Ludwig couldn't breathe as the door opened, and Anna appeared, with dark circles beneath her eyes and her hair hanging loosely around her shoulders, carrying a screaming infant.

_Mein Gott, she was right, she was right. I should never have left. Look at her._

When she saw the soldier on the door, her eyes widened. "He's dead, isn't he?" she stated flatly.

"No, Frau Beilschmidt, he's right here!" The soldier stepped aside and gestured to Ludwig, sitting in his wheelchair at the bottom of the steps. Ludwig stared at his lap, suddenly unable to look his wife in the eyes.

The child was still screaming. _And I don't even know his name._

"L-Ludwig?"

* * *

Anna stood transfixed on her doorstep. _He's home. And in a wheelchair? What happened to him?_

She looked him over. Neither of his legs showed any evidence of being injured. No casts, no splints. _ I don't understand. _

"L-Ludwig?"

He didn't look up from his lap. _Is he deaf too? How can I ever have him watch Klaus if he can't hear?! Though maybe he's the lucky one, _she added as Klaus's incessant wails once again shattered her focus. Combined with utter exhaustion and a pounding headache, Anna was surprised she was able to string two words together.

"Ludwig? What happened?"

"A building collapsed."

"…So… Are you okay?"

He shot her a dirty look. "I'm stuck in this chair for the rest of my life. Does that sound _okay _to you?"

_What a bastard. _

Anna knew she should feel pity or compassion or _something_, but she was too tired to deal with this. _Why does everything have to happen at once? Klaus has been colicky for two days straight, and now I have to take care of Ludwig. I guess? Can he do anything?_

"Listen, Ludwig, I'm going to call my father. He'll help get you up the steps."

The soldier, clearly trying to ease the tension he sensed, cheerfully volunteered to help in any way he could.

Anna gave him directions to her parents' shop, then stood in the doorway, unsure of how to proceed. She bounced Klaus a bit and patted his back, trying to sooth him. She soon felt the all-too-familiar sensation of warm baby vomit oozing down her shoulder.

"Ludwig, Klaus just got sick, so I'm going to go in and clean up, alright?"

Ludwig grunted in response, not meeting her eyes.

_What on earth is wrong with him?_

* * *

Ludwig didn't look up until he heard the front door close. Then he briefly took in the empty porch, glanced over his shoulder to see if Anna's father and the soldier were approaching, then stared into his lap again.

_She hates me. I can't believe it. All the shit I've gone through, and _this _is how I'm welcomed home. Abandoned in my own front yard, like trash. _He felt sick, and all he wanted to do was lie down.

_Shit, the bedroom is upstairs!_

He sighed. _Couch, it is, then. If I can ever get in the house._

An eternity seemed to slip by. Ludwig blew onto his gloved hands, trying to warm up. _It's not like it's January or anything! How long am I going to be out here?_

_\_At last, the soldier returned with Anna's father, who clapped Ludwig jovially on the shoulder.

"Guten Tag, good to see you! And I'm sure Anna is happy to have you home! She's been worried sick!"

_Really? Didn't seem like it._

Ludwig's cheeks burned with shame as the two men hoisted him up, gripping the frame of the wheelchair and carried him onto the porch. Anna's father opened the door to an empty living room. He looked confused.

"Where is Anna, by the way?"

"She said the baby… Klaus… got sick, so she had to bring him inside."

"Ah, okay. She's probably trying to get him into bed. A lot of times he quiets down a bit after he's been sick. He's got colic, you see."

Ludwig stared blankly. _I don't even know what that is._

"Touch of the stomach flu, that is," he clarified.

The soldier cleared his throat. "Well, if you're all settled in-"

"Yes, thank you, you can go."

The soldier saluted. "Thank you for your service, herr."

Once he had left, Anna's father sat on the couch and said amiably, "So when do you move on to crutches?"

"Never."

He paled, in stark contrast to his black hair and moustache. "Ah, I-I see. My apologies."

A moment of painful silence followed.

At last, Anna came down the stairs.

* * *

Anna came down the stairs to see her father sitting on the couch, his hands clasped between his knees, looking distinctly uncomfortable, and Ludwig glaring sourly at the floor.

"Guten Tag, Vater. Thanks for helping to bring him in."

She saw Ludwig grimace. _If he's anything like he used to be, then this is massively embarrassing for him._

"Oh, no problem! We're just all glad to have him home!" He smiled in Ludwig's direction, but Ludwig didn't look at him.

_Rude. He better be ready to explain himself._

"Erm, anyway, I already have some ideas for changing a few things to make things more, uh, accessible for Ludwig."

"I'm in the room, you know," Ludwig growled. "You don't have to talk about me like I'm not here."

The shred of patience Anna had left snapped. "Shut up, Ludwig! He's trying to help us! Please, do continue, Vater, I'm sure you have some lovely ideas."

Ludwig stared daggers at her, but she ignored him, pretending to be intensely interested in what her father had to say.

Her father glanced from Ludwig to Anna, looking more awkward than she had ever seen him. Addressing Ludwig this time, he continued, "Well, Ludwig, I was thinking of converting the front steps into a ramp, make things much easier, you know, a lot more independence for you."

Ludwig face turned blood red, and he seemed like he was about to protest. Anna cut him off.

"Wonderful idea, Vater, I would never have thought of that."

"Well, I had a buddy from my army days who had to get his leg amputated, so I remember a few of the changes made to his home. Not sure I'll be able to do anything about the second floor though, Ludwig. My army friend lived in a one-floor place, so-"

"It's fine." Ludwig interrupted shortly.

Anna took a deep breath. "Vater, I think you better go. I don't want to keep you."

Her father leapt to his feet. "Ja, well, I really should be getting back to the store, you're right."

Anna knew that was a weak excuse. Wartime rationing had taken a toll on business.

He nodded to them both at the door. "Well, I'll be seeing you soon."

After he left, a wave of exhaustion hit her so strongly that she felt like she was about to faint. _I don't want to deal with any of this! I finally got Klaus to be quiet; I just want to sleep._

"I'm going to take a nap, Ludwig. We'll talk later."

Ludwig looked up at her, shocked. "That's it?"

"What do you want from me?! I've been on the round-the-clock baby duty. He's _finally _asleep. I haven't had a good night's rest since he was born practically. Not that you would know!"

She turned on her heel and marched up the steps, almost in tears. _God, I'm so tired, I'm so tired! Maybe he's right, but I just can't bear to deal with anything else right now._

She was asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.

* * *

Ludwig stared, dumbfounded, as Anna disappeared up the stairs.

_She _did _seem exhausted._

He sighed. He knew it would be pointless to struggle his way onto the sofa right now; there was no way he would even doze off. He felt tight and wary now that he felt alone in the silent house. It seemed like a scene from one of his nightmares, one where a Russian jumps out at the last second, firing his gun before Ludwig has a chance to react…

Ludwig shook himself out of the reverie, realizing that he was gripping the arms of his wheelchair so tightly that his hands ached. He let go and forced his muscles to relax, as much as they could. He wheeled into the bathroom to get a nail clipper for the hangnail that was still bothering him.

He groaned in frustration when he realized that he couldn't reach the medicine cabinet on his own. _Why is everything a struggle? _

He moved on to the kitchen and looked around. Almost everything seemed the same, except for the highchair at the table. Yet, Ludwig felt that he was in someone else's house. He heard scratching at the back door and instinctively reached for his gun, only to realize that it wasn't there. He cautiously made his way to the door but then gladly flung open the door when he heard a characteristically canine whimper.

His three dogs hurled themselves at him, tails wagging so hard that their entire bodies wiggled, falling over themselves to jump on his lap and lick his face. Ludwig tried to pet all of them at once, almost ready to cry in happiness at their reception of their wounded master, though he was unnerved by the fact that he couldn't feel their claws as they dug into his thighs.

Gradually, he was able to make his way into the living room again where the dogs settled around him. Berlitz and Blackie laid down at his feet while Aster, amusingly, sat on Ludwig's lap.

"You're the first German shepherd to make yourself a lap dog," he murmured, hugging her close to him, his face buried in her fur.

Despite the comfort he got from his animal companions, worries soon beset his mind.

_Anna was so short with me. Was she just tired? Is that why she never, _ever _wrote to me? Too busy? I was pretty busy, and _I _made time to write to her. And she was always better with words anyway, and she has her family and Myriam to babysit. Gott, I can just imagine how much any of them would love to spend a day with the baby. I, meanwhile, was always responsible for both me _and _Italy._

_But now that I'm home, I need to work. The police station said I would be able to work there when I came back, but that was before I was a damn cripple. But surely I can do office work? Maybe they'll pay me to do administration._

Ludwig tensed when he heard a high pitched cry. _The baby…_ _Anna will hear him, right?_

All the dogs started howling, Aster jumping down to stand with the other two. _Okay, she'll definitely hear something._

He smiled at the dogs. "Helping take care of him, are you? I knew I could depend on you."

"SHUT UP, YOU DAMNED BEASTS!"

Ludwig scowled as he heard Anna's screech. Soon, she came downstairs, a quiet infant in tow.

"You shouldn't talk to my dogs like that. They were just making sure you woke up."

Anna looked at him strangely. "Uh, yes, I suppose you could look at it that way… How about you hold Klaus while I start dinner? Lucky you, he's feeling better now and isn't so weepy, now is he?"

She addressed the last part to Klaus. Ludwig, however, felt frozen, staring at the little creature in Anna's arms.

_I-I would break him. I can't be responsible for that little thing._

Flashes of brutality committed by his hands flashed through his mind. Bones broken, blood spattered, dead bodies…

Anna stared quizzically as she held Klaus out to Ludwig. "Aren't you going to take him?"

_I can't!_

Ludwig tried hard not to tremble. "I- Well, I…. Isn't that your responsibility?"

_Verdammit, couldn't I have said anything else?_

Anna's mouth hung open. "Did- did you really just say that? Mein Gott, you really don't care about us anymore, you son of a bitch! I would throw you out if it weren't so much trouble to bring you back in again!"

Ludwig gasped. "What the hell, Anna?"

_I did feel bad, but not anymore! What a heartless thing to say!_

Anna's eyes blazed with fury. "You can make your own dinner. I'm going to my parent's house, which I'm pretty used to, since I've been so lonely FOR A YEAR!"

That made Ludwig pause. _It has been a year, hasn't it?_

She stormed past him and slammed the door on her way out.

Ludwig watched the door, his lips starting to tremble. _I probably look like Italy. Stop it._

He bit his lip until he tasted blood, hands clenched into fists. _Stop it, stop it, stop it! Stop feeling so much! Emotions are bad on the frontlines, and apparently Anna and I are at war._

* * *

Anna burst into her childhood home, clutching Klaus to her body. In her anger, she had forgotten to bundle him up for the cold evening. Her parents and grandmother leapt to their feet at her sudden arrival.

"Is something wrong?" her father asked, his face dark with concern.

"YES! I HATE LUDWIG!"

Klaus started wailing.

Her mother bustled over and gently took the frightened boy in her arms. "Again? What happened?"

"He doesn't want anything to do with his son. I've waited an entire year for him to come home and be involved in our child's life, and he tells me that 'that's my responsibility.'" He refused to even hold him."

Her voice cracked with emotion, and she collapsed on the couch next to her grandmother, her elbows on her knees. "I waited all this time for him, and he's being awful."

"Well, Anna," her father spoke up. "I don't think he's had an easy time of it either."

"Yes!" her grandmother exclaimed. "I couldn't believe it when your father told me about him being in a wheelchair forever. What happened to him?"

"A building collapsed on him," she muttered, suddenly realizing the magnitude of that statement. _It's a wonder he survived._

She bit the inside of her lip as memories of her side of the conversation flooded her mind. _Alright, I wasn't perfect either, but that's no excuse for how he treated Klaus._

Her grandmother patted her shoulder. "You have to be patient with men. You can't expect them to know what you want."

"Hey!" Her father playfully protested as he brought in a tray of the weak coffee rationed to them.

"You've been well-trained, dear," Anna's Oma quipped, and Anna's family all chuckled. She felt her stress fading away and even managed a smile.

Her father pushed a warm mug into her hands. "Have a drink, calm down, then go and talk to your husband."

As Anna and Klaus were about to leave, her mother left her with a piece of advice, given in her characteristically quiet way.

"Be careful of Ludwig's pride. He feels like half the man he used to be."

_How does M__ü__tter know stuff like that? She hasn't even seen him._

But Anna knew her mother only spoke when she thought it was very important, and her statement rang in Anna's ears all the way home.

But when she got home, the house was dark and Ludwig was lying on the couch with his back to her.

"Ludwig?" The dogs gave her a loud enough welcome that she knew he couldn't be asleep.

"Ludwig?!" Her voice rose sharply as she tried to be heard over the dogs.

No answer.

She sighed." I decided not to eat at my parents' house. I'm going to make dinner. Are you hungry?"

She noticed that he looked thinner than when he left, even when not facing her.

"Ludwig, are you ignoring me?"

No answer.

She snorted. "Well, I'm going to make a plate for you anyway. You can eat it whenever."

_I was going to apologize, but not if he's going to be such a child._

* * *

Ludwig had not even dozed when the dogs leapt away from him and starting barking excitedly.

_Anna must be back…. And Klaus. Right, I have to get used to that._

"Ludwig?" He heard her voice raise shrilly over the panting of the dogs.

He sighed inwardly. _Maybe I should pretend to be asleep._

"Ludwig? I decided not to eat at my parent's house. I'm going to make dinner. Are you hungry?"

He hoped his stomach growling didn't give him away. _I'm not sure how easy it will be to get off the couch. I don't want her to see me. _It had not been a graceful maneuver to get himself out of his chair and onto the sofa in the first place.

"Well, I'm going to make a plate for you anyway. You can eat it whenever."

She sounded irritated.

_I don't feel like dealing with her bad mood. I'll eat when she goes upstairs._

He ate dinner alone at the table, with his dogs at his feet. _Like before I was married. _

He wasn't sure how he felt about that.

After he ate and put his dishes in the sink (he frustratingly couldn't reach to actually wash it himself), he struggled onto the couch for the second time that night and slipped into an uneasy sleep.

Anna was up in the middle of the night when Klaus cried to be fed. Normally she would take him into the living room, but tonight she hesitated.

_Dammit, if I can be awake at this hour, so can he._

She slipped quietly down the stairs, with Klaus only making small noises of impatience. She turned the lamp on, settled in the armchair, and offered her breast to the hungry baby. He quickly fell into a contented quiet as he fed.

She looked over to Ludwig's sleeping form. _If he's actually sleeping this time._

His breathing was slow and even, and his dogs were arranged around him. She noticed that he was holding little Blackie to his chest, and she felt her heart soften.

She brought a blanket down and covered her husband after she had put Klaus to bed. She watched him for a moment, listening to the quiet throughout the house. With a sigh, she went back upstairs to sleep alone.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: How has it been so long since my last update?! Sorry about that my dear readers! Life got crazy, and I've been at my mother's house a lot who doesn't have reliable Internet, so that didn't help. But enough excuses, on to the chapter! Happy reading!

* * *

As promised, the next morning, Anna's father arrived, with wood, nails, and a hammer. He cheerfully set to work before Anna and Ludwig even quite realized he was there, Ludwig only seeing him through the window when the dogs started a racket.

_I probably would just get in the way if I tried to help._

He stayed inside nervously watching Klaus roll around in his playpen. The little boy had feathery hair the same auburn color as Anna's, so thin that the delicate skin on his scalp could be seen through it. He had big blue eyes that watched Ludwig curiously.

"That's your Vati, schatz." Anna's voice startled Ludwig, making him whirl around defensively on instinct. Anna gave him an amused look. "Did I scare you? I was talking to Klaus."

"Yes, I gathered that," he snapped testily, feeling stupid for being taken by surprise so easily.

"It _is _what I'm used to, being a single mother and all. Breakfast is ready if you're interested."

She angrily snatched Klaus up, making him whimper. Shooting a dirty look at Ludwig, she comforted her son as she strode back to the kitchen.

"Don't worry, little one. Your father makes me anxious too."

_Does she really have to start being a bitch as soon as she sees me? It's not my fault she handled him so roughly._

He reluctantly wheeled himself into the kitchen.

* * *

_Why does he have to be like this? Why can't he be the sweet man I married?_

Anna spooned a bit of mushy oatmeal into Klaus's mouth. "Good boy," she cooed.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Ludwig sullenly enter the kitchen.

"How did you sleep?" she asked flatly, trying to keep her spite out of her voice.

"Fine."

"I covered you up when I came downstairs to feed Klaus in the middle of the night."

"Ja."

"You're welcome," she muttered.

Silence followed. Ludwig quickly finished eating, placed his dish in the sink, and started to leave the kitchen.

"Wait, Ludwig, do you want to feed Klaus? So I can eat?"

He looked over his shoulder at her, glanced at Klaus, then back at her.

Hot anger squeezed Anna's insides. "Let me guess, that's my job? Just get out of here."

She didn't look to see whether he left or not.

* * *

"Let me guess, that's my job? Just get out of here."

Ludwig took several deep breaths to bridle his irritation. _I suppose I deserve that._

He returned to the table and stuck his hands out, not looking at Anna. "Here, give it to me."

She pushed the bowl of Klaus's half-eaten oatmeal into his hands.

_Now what am I supposed to do?_

Klaus kept looking at Anna as she started eating. She smiled and waved to him, making him crow in delight.

"Stop, you're making him think he's supposed to look at you." _How am I supposed to get his attention?_

She looked at him sourly. "Well, that is what he's used to."

Ludwig slammed a fist on the table. "WILL YOU STOP SAYING THAT?"

Klaus flinched and started wailing.

Anna got up, snarling, "I hope you feel very good about yourself, making your infant son cry with your temper tantrum."

She scooped him up and stormed out. Ludwig took a shaky breath and put his head in his hands. _I can't do anything right!_

* * *

Anna stood in the living room, swaying gently as she spoke gently to the whimpering infant over her shoulder.

"Shh, poor baby, your Vati scared you, didn't he?"

She started slightly as there was a knock at the door. The dogs immediately rushed to the door, jumping and barking in wild excitement.

Anna stifled a growl of frustration as she fought her way past the dogs to the door. _I'll probably make Ludwig mad again if I say anything against his precious animals._

She father was standing on the other side of the door, grinning widely as he saw his daughter and grandson. Klaus's momentary fear was forgotten as he babbled cheerfully in greeting.

Anna laughed, feeling some of the tension from her argument with Ludwig dissipate. "He's happy to see you, Vati."

Her father chuckled. "_Ja_, he's a sweet boy. Ludwig must be overjoyed to-" He faltered as he saw Anna's face darken. "Ah, yes, well, anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I finished the ramp."

Anna made a sound of surprise, looking around him. "Goodness, father, how did you get it done so quickly? Where did you get the wood?"

Her father just smiled. "Oh, I have my connections, you know, and there's nothing like an early start to the day."

Anna's brow furrowed slightly as she considered the difficulty of getting supplies on such short notice, especially with all the wartime shortages. "_Danke schoen_, Vati, you do a lot for us."

He merely smiled again. As he turned to leave, he suddenly turned back to look at Anna.

"Be patient with him," he murmured, looking serious for a split second before continuing on his way.

_Who? With Ludwig? Why are they all on his side?_

She turned away from the door and jumped when she encountered Ludwig sitting silently behind her. "I didn't know you were right behind me."

He grunted in response.

Anna struggled to say something reconciliatory, finding it hard to look her husband in the eye. "Look, Ludwig, I'm, uh, I'm sorry that… things are turning out this way."

Heavy silence hung over the room.

"_Ja_, well… I am too." Ludwig stuttered awkwardly at last.

Anna waited, hoping he would say more.

He cleared his throat, rubbing the back of his neck. "Since your father's finished I have no excuse to stay here, so I'd better go see about getting my job back with the police station."

"Really? How?" Anna blurted in surprise.

"I don't know, Anna, by trying to convince them I'm not as useless as you think I am?" he answered scathingly.

She scoffed. "As useless as _I _think you are? I've been trying to get you to help and _you're _the one who keeps refusing!"

"I tried to help this morning!"

"By yelling at me?"

Klaus wriggled, trying to get away from his mother's shouting, a wail forming in his throat.

"Who's yelling now?" Ludwig asked quietly.

Anna quickly put her son down in the play pen before rounding on Ludwig.

"Only because of you! Gott, I swear you bring me nothing but problems! All the time you were gone, all I did was worry, but now you finally come back and do nothing but aggravate me!"

"I don't have time for this," he muttered. "Like I said, I'm going to see about a job. So leave me alone."

He ungracefully struggled with opening the door, which swung inwards. Anna turned away, resisting her urge to help, heading to the kitchen to clean the dishes from breakfast. _He said he wanted to be left alone. Plus, M__ü__tter said I should be careful not to hurt his pride. _She sighed. _Which I'm already failing at. It's hard to watch what I'm saying all the time around him._

She glanced at the clock as she heard Ludwig close the door behind him. 11:30 AM. _My, it's gotten late. No wonder Vati was finished already. _Anna had struggled to sleep last night, and she suspected Ludwig did as well, and, miraculously, Klaus allowed them to sleep late.

_I hope the police station works out for him. Maybe he'll be in a better mood tonight._

* * *

Ludwig's shoulders sagged as he shut the door behind him. _Mein Gott, is it always going to be like this? How did this become one of those marriages where the husband doesn't want to come home? She's such a petulant child! Did she change or did I?_

He took a deep, steadying breath, pushing the memories and emotions of the morning out of his mind, trying to focus his whole being on the police station. _What does Anna know? I may not be as effective now as a beat cop, but maybe I could do paperwork._

He set off, feeing uneasy. The hill that led up to town was steep, steeper than Ludwig ever realized. He made painfully slow progress up it, the muscles in his arms straining, his shoulders burning. Finally, prickling with sweat, he reached the top and waited for a few minutes for his breathing to even out.

_I'm going to die of pneumonia before I even get there._

Anna's disbelief flashed through his mind again.

Ludwig felt like something deflated inside of him. _It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter whether she believes in me or not, _he sternly told himself.

He continued through the streets, thankful that the cold kept most people inside so that they wouldn't stare at him, but the empty streets made his familiar city seem alien and dangerous. His heart beat faster as images of the empty streets of Stalingrad flashed through his mind's eye. _Don't be ridiculous. I shouldn't be such a coward. This is Amorlen, not the frontlines._

Nonetheless, he involuntarily cast a wary look upwards to the upper stories of the buildings he was passing.

Finally, the station was in sight. But his attention slipped again as the blank look Anna gave him as she stood on the porch the day he arrived burned into his brain.

_Dammit, focus! _He furiously tried to shake away the slippery churning in his stomach. _It doesn't matter whether Anna wants me or not. I have obligations to fulfil._

He hesitated outside of the station, forcefully driving the distracting memories away.

_Guten Tag, herr. As you can see, I'm back, and I'm wondering whether I could be of any use to the station. I would be more than happy to take over some administrative duties. _Ludwig rehearsed what he would say in his head, finding a small comfort in the control he had over his thoughts for a moment.

With one more deep breath, he entered the station.

"Beilschmidt! You're back!"

An officer came out from behind his desk. It was Henke, the man Ludwig had appointed as temporary chief, a middle-aged man with a thick moustache and dirty blonde hair. He congenially thumped his hand against Ludwig's shoulder. Ludwig tried not to flinch.

"It's always good to see someone come back from the frontlines! So how long are you in the wheelchair."

"Well, actually, it's, uh, well, it's permanent."

Silence. Ludwig's mouth felt dry, and he wondered what would happen if he threw up right now.

"So, anyway, as you can see, I'm back, and I'm wondering whether I could be of any use to the station," the words were like ashes in his mouth. "I would be more than happy to take over some administrative duties."

Henke took a deep breath, running his tongue across his lips nervously. "Well, herr, I'm not so sure. Funding's been pretty light lately, and this is a small precinct… I'm not sure if we can swing having a full-time office worker on the books. But, it's nothing personal, herr, I would love to have you back here, but I think it's out of my hands, you see."

Ludwig had to remind himself to breathe.

The officer went on. "I mean, all of us have taken pay cuts, what with so much money needed to fund the war effort and everything… you know, with the expansion into the eastern front, it's became a very expensive war…"

Ludwig suddenly felt very foolish for coming and hoped that his blush wasn't obvious.

"Of course. We're in hard times." Ludwig strove to sound like that was exactly the answer he was expecting, like that was the only answer that made sense. _And it is, isn't it?_

The stand-in-chief, now the permanent chief, laughed weakly. "That's right, herr. It's hard on everyone."

Ludwig nodded, a brutally polite smile plastered on his face. He supposed he said some sort of pleasantry on his way out, but he wouldn't swear to it.

He was barely aware of his trip home.

_I'm such an idiot. Anna was right to doubt me._

The hill was almost as hard going down as going up, as he had to grip the wheels tightly to keep from barreling uncontrollably down the hill.

He hesitated on the porch, rubbing his sore hands, a wave a nausea washing over him. _How am I going to tell her that I'm a failure?_

* * *

Anna was sitting on the floor by Klaus, who was grasping a rattle and clumsily shaking it around. The dogs rushed, barking, to the door. "Sounds like your Vati's home already, Klaus."

After a few moments, Ludwig finally came inside.

"You're back already! How did it go?" She asked immediately, determined to make the afternoon go better than the morning.

Ludwig silently shook his head. His face was blank, but Anna noticed that he didn't pay any attention to his dogs.

_He's upset._

"I'm sorry that it didn't work out, Ludwig," she murmured.

"Ja," he said thickly, as if he was having trouble speaking.

She waited, expecting him to say more. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Nein."

"Do you want to talk about something else?"

"Nein."

"Do you want to-"

"I just want to be left alone!" he snapped.

Klaus made a small sound of dismay. Anna sighed. _Every time I start to feel bad for him, he goes and says something like that._

"Well, it's my living room too, so I'm not leaving this time."

Ludwig silently went into the kitchen.

After a few moments, Anna caught an almost imperceptibly quiet sound coming from the direction of the kitchen.

She crept in and saw Ludwig surrounded by his dogs. Aster, like usual, had somehow managed to fit herself into Ludwig's lap. He had his face buried in her fur, and his shoulders were shaking, ever so slightly.

_Mein Gott, is Ludwig crying?! I-I've never seen him do that before!_

Anna stood in shock, completely unnerved by his quiet sobs. Her mother's words rang in her head. _Be careful of Ludwig's pride. He feels like half the man he used to be._

_Would comforting him hurt his pride? But how can I just pretend I didn't see anything? Comforting _feels _like the right thing to do, but everything pisses him off lately._

Indecision paralyzed her, but ultimately she gave in to her pity, taking a few steps to stand by Ludwig's side. She gently laid her hand on his shoulder, feeling him tense at her touch.

* * *

Surprise froze the salty tide of tears that brimmed in Ludwig's eyes. He tensed, willing the shameful display of emotion to bury itself deep inside. He swallowed painfully, over and over again, thinking that eventually the lump swelling in his throat would have to subside. _Why did she have to come now_?

"I thought I told you I wanted to be alone," he eventually managed to choke out, wincing at the heavy residue of misery in his voice. _If she didn't think I was weak before, she certainly does now._

Anna audibly took a deep breath. _Is she mad again? Gott, everything pisses her off._

"It's going to be okay, Ludwig," she said softly. "We'll figure something out."

Not lifting his face from Aster's coat, he slowly shook his head. _Easy to say, now let's see it get done._

Ludwig stayed still and silent until Anna went away.

That night, the Beilschmidt family had a quiet and awkward dinner. Anna spoke less and what she did address to Ludwig sounded more like the cooing voice she used to comfort Klaus.

Ludwig bristled at her overbearing sympathy. _Verdammit, why is she saying everything like that? Does she think I'm going to cry because she offered me potatoes?_

"How's your food, Ludwig?" she asked silkily, her voice tinged with false cheerfulness.

"Would you stop that? I'm an adult."

"I'm just making conversation."

"No. You're not. Your tone is…" He struggled to put words to it.

"Friendly? Gentle? Yes, that is what it's like to have a conversation that's not a fight."

"No, it's not!" His voice raised pitch in frustration. "You're treating me… _differently_. And I don't like it!"

"I'm just trying to be there for you in your time of need," she said shortly. "But nothing I seem to do is ever right to you, so I don't know why I bother."

She whisked the empty plates off the table and started cleaning them, her back to Ludwig.

Ludwig left and got ready for bed without another word.

After a particularly ungainly struggle onto the couch, Ludwig flopped onto his back, letting out a long sigh.

He jumped when he heard Anna's voice from the stairs, overlooking the living room. "We could move the bed. There's a spare room down here."

_Why is she always around at the worst moments?_

"Nein. It's not worth all the trouble."

She was quiet for a moment before she spoke again.

"I meant what I said earlier, you know. We can get by. I started a garden when the rationing started. We can get plenty of vegetables from it. The potatoes from tonight were from it."

"That's- that's good, Anna." _She doesn't really need me after all._

This time, Anna was quiet for so long that Ludwig thought she might have left. "Well, goodnight, Ludwig."

Words tumbled onto Ludwig's tongue, but he couldn't bring his lips to form any of them.

_I'm sorry I can't provide for you. Or do anything for that matter. Do you think you could maybe sleep down here tonight anyway?_

"Ja, goodnight."


End file.
